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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (11537)	9/19/1999 11:13:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ DOES YOUR EMPLOYER HAVE AN ORGANIZATIONAL CHART ? The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but ass holes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keeptradition going, everyone got pissed and the bride's and groom's families had a storming rage and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court." The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened." The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride. The judge says "OK." "Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song... when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates." The Judge instantly responded... "Wow.. that must have hurt!" Paddy replies "HURT !?.. He broke three of my fingers!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied. "Our house isn't blue." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Chevy has added wires to the rear window to clear fog and frost. Dodge is adding wires under the wipers so they can be freed when frozen and not burn up the motor. But Ford is adding the wire elements to the tailgates on all of their trucks. Keeps your hands warm while you're pushing! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table." The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK... and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great.What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Bumper Sticker Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!