Thanks! Actually it was a pretty interesting little trip.
My cousin's fault, as you know. Like, what else is new.
I found out about it from Eeya, the Main Ship Computer, right after I woke up from every dang alarm on the spacecraft going off at the same time AND FTL [Faster Than Light] Buzz. Which is not the most wonderful way to wake up ever invented. FTL Buzz is this unpleasant sensation that one experiences when the FTL Drive engages.
As you know, the FTL Drive is described on the FAQ Page:
funphone.com
Here is the report:
He, (your stupid cOUSIN), was down in the FTL engine room with Sid playing "Catch the Dwink" [Dwinks are these little things that look like dust bunnies] and Sid got tired of performing like a trained monkey (which usually takes about 15 seconds) and so he (Sid) snuck up on him (SHORTY) and jumped on his foot. Which is pretty big, relative to Sid himself. SHORTY's foot, I mean.
Anyway Sid let out this blood-curdling scream at the same time just to see if SHORTY would jump. Sid thinks this is really amusing. SHORTY does too, as a matter of fact. Problem was that this time, SHORTY was holding a big mug of Amber Liquid, and he freaked out and spilled it on the [description of a specific part of the FTL drive].
The next thing we knew, we were about one galaxy away from where we were before Sid made his move on SHORTY.
All ship's alarms functioned perfectly and no computer programs or ship's functions were adversely affected.
End of Report
*************
Now, this looks rather innocuous, right? Nothing too weird here on first glance, correct?
Wrong, hockey breath. Not Flargg checks the GPL (Galactic Position Locator) and starts laughing. Not the nutball laugh when he and SHORTY are drinking Cabernet Sauvage, this was more like when the kind of thing that you might do if you figure out a way to beat the dudes on the CBOE at their own game.
SHORTY gets worried at this point, because Not Flargg is laughing kinda freaky for no reason. Which among the Flamfoozy can occasionally be a prelude to Something Most Unpleasant.
So, SHORTY is trying to find out what the deal is without actually saying something that will make Not Flargg freak out and do something nobody wants to participate in, *especially me*.
Then, Sid starts laughing too, like on his banner ad:
funphone.com
Now, SHORTY and I are kinda worried. Two Guests are laughing the Weird Laugh, and there are only two of us. We are looking at each other thinking, "We might have a serious problem here."
But Sid fixed it. He explained that Not Flargg was laughing because we had just done something that was not explained by Physics. Or to put it more accurately, something had just happened that we thought was impossible, namely that we had moved faster than light, without a "Point of Receipt", to some location outside the galaxy.
This made SHORTY and I feel much better for about 10 seconds until we figured out that we were...uh...a ways away from the closest supply of extra Cheetos, as it were.
Then SHORTY got cranky because Not Flargg thought this was funny. Not really cranky, just a little bit cranky. Then Not Flargg explained what he was laughing about.
The basis for FTL drive in Physics is that you have to have a Point of Receipt to move to. You can't go somewhere that is not a Point of Receipt, and you can't get a Point of Receipt except by slower-than-light travel. The problem with this Actual Truth was that we had just violated it.
Not Flargg said that there were only two possibilities for this: one was that we had violated the Laws of Physics, and one was that when SHORTY dumped Amber Liquid on our FTL Drive, it had somehow shorted out and then "recognized" somebody else's Point of Receipt.
Obviously the latter, which was why Not Flargg was laughing.
SHORTY had just discovered Intergalactic FTL Travel by spilling his drink. Very funny, I am so sure.
SHORTY thought this was a good idea for a business, and he started suggesting names for it, like SHORTY's WHOOSHING TRAVEL DEAL and KICK IT UP MANY NOTCHES, and other really stupid names. Not Flargg started checking the computer database for clues as to what happened.
Every time you ask Not Flargg how long something will take to fix, he says "about plareb thwarn" [two weeks]. I think he learned this in Trade School, because every time he says it, he and SHORTY look at each other and laugh.
Anyway, Not Flargg is explaining how this is the single most important discovery in the history of Physics. Which is a real big deal for him. He tells SHORTY to forget about the commercial aspects of it because it is more like a military thing and all that.
Then Not Flargg adjusts a torpedo with this little advancement and sends it to where he thinks the Poot home planet is, and it goes and comes back, and he is right. Cool! We now know where the Poot home planet is and can get there FTL and the Poots don't know about it.
I tell Not Flargg that maybe it would be nice for us to get back to where WE were before SHORTY decides to spill his drink again, and Not Flargg says no problem, and here we are.
Not Flargg jumped in his spacecraft as soon as we got back and took off for home. So now my stupid cOUSIN and his goofy mechanic friend from Trade School, Not Flargg, are the most famous inventors in the history of our planet, but nobody knows about it.
Well, you do, but almost nobody else knows, so keep it to yourself.
And by the way, this means that the Poots, (who are, as you may know, an entire planet of Meatrists) won't be bothering your planet from now on. Which makes SHORTY kinda famous on Earth too, if you think about it. |
