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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (11832)	10/4/1999 2:26:00 AM
From: Karen Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm exam paper: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell, because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: (1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. (2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, that: "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you, " and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true,and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic.

To: John Messbauer who wrote (11832)	10/4/1999 11:07:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62552

********* IF YOU THINK YOU ARE BEATEN, YOU ARE IF YOU THINK YOU DARE NOT, YOU DON'T IF YOU'D LIKE TO WIN, BUT THINK YOU CAN'T IT'S ALMOST A CINCH YOU WON'T. IF YOU THINK YOU'LL LOSE, YOU'RE LOST FOR OUT IN THE WORLD WE FIND SUCCESS BEGINS WITH A PERSON'S WILL IT'S ALL IN THE STATE OF MIND. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE OUTCLASSED, YOU ARE YOU'VE GOT TO THINK HIGH TO RISE YOU'VE GOT TO BE SURE OF YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN EVER WIN A PRIZE! LIFE'S BATTLES DON'T ALWAYS GO TO THE STRONGEST OR FASTEST PERSON AND SOONER OR LATER, THE PERSON WHO WINS IS THE ONE WHO THINKS THEY CAN AUTHOR::: Unknown

To: John Messbauer who wrote (11832)	10/8/1999 12:46:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62552

Angelina and Giuseppi were standing before the judge in divorce court. Angelina says: "Your honor, we benna marry 25 years ana Giuseppi he'always pickna his nose ana when we maka love he's a never letsa me on top. I just canna taka dis anymore." The judge listens solemnly then addresses Giuseppi. "Giuseppi, isa dis true.You always a picka your nose and you never let Angelina on top? What you gotta say fora yourself?" Giuseppi says, "Well your honor, itsa true. I picka my nose a lot and, yeah, Angelina, I tella her she'sa gotta be on da bottom. Itsa all go'sa back to when I'ma young boy. My poppa, he'sa very smarta man. I always follow ev'ryting he say. My poppa one day he says, Giuseppi, I gotta tella you da two main secrets ofa hava successful life. Number one, you always keepa your nose clean. Ana number two, never screw up !