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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Carole Olkowski who wrote (11846)	10/5/1999 8:36:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62572

Comprehending Engineers-Take One ***************************** Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'" The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." > > >> >> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Two *************************** An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done." > > >> >> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Three *************************** What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons....Civil Engineers build targets. > > >> >> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Four ************************* The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with your Big Mac?" > > >> >> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Five ************************* To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. > > >> >> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Six *************************** Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers?" "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers." They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers. When they board the train, the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

To: Carole Olkowski who wrote (11846)	10/5/1999 9:47:00 AM
From: Len	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62572

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember... * I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. * The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. * I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. * I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. * I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. * I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. * I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. * I will not throw up in the car. * I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. * I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. * "Kitty box crunchies" are not food. * I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. * The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. * I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end. * I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. * I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging. * When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. * We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. * I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. * The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps. * My head does not belong in the refrigerator. * I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.