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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: William Chaney who wrote (11926)	10/11/1999 1:41:00 PM
From: Wowzer	Respond to of 62550

The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER > > is backing LUKE > > >SKYWALKER > > >towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by > > Vader, chops off Luke's > > >hand! > > >It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. > > Luke backs away. He looks > > >around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but > > straight down. > > > > > >Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened > > to your father. > > > > > >Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him! > > > > > >Darth Vader: No... I am your father! > > > > > >Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible. > > > > > >Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to > > be true... > > > > > >Luke: NO! > > > > > >Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what > > else? You know that brass > > >droid of yours? > > > > > >Luke: Threepio? > > > > > >Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when > > I was 7 years old... > > > > > >Luke: No... > > > > > >Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you > > done? Look at yourself, no > > >hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own > > ship out of the swamp... > > > > > >Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star! > > > > > >Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I > > single-handedly destroyed a > > >Trade Federation Droid Control ship! > > > > > >Luke: Well, it's not my fault... > > > > > >Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... Poor me... my father > > never gave me what I > > >wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the > > Dark Lord of the > > >Sith...waahhh wahhh! > > > > > >Luke: Shut up... > > > > > >Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was > > your age, I had > > >exterminated the Jedi knights! > > > > > >Luke: (whine) I used to race my T-16 through > > Beggar's Canyon blasting womp > > >rats! > > > > > >Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 > > years old, winner of the > > >Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod > > Racer... right here baby! > > > > > >Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it. > > > > > >Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I > > don't know whose you > > >are, > > >but you sure ain't mine... > > > > > >Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then > > plunges down the shaft. > > > > > >Darth Vader looks after him. > > > > > >Darth Vader: Get a haircut > >

To: William Chaney who wrote (11926)	10/11/1999 6:50:00 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

The Top 12 Signs Your Website Sucks 12.It was chosen as the official AOL "Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Cool Site of the Day." 11.Only banner ad is a singles ad for your sister. 10.It proudly carries the Pat Robertson Seal of Approval. 9.The home page has so many "Bottom 5%" awards, you can barely see the "Under Construction" graphics. 8."Best viewed when using Bifocals 1.25 or higher." 7.You were operating under the mistaken impression that God just doesn't like homosexuals and has chosen you to tell everyone. 6.Your blinking text and animated graphics have caused an epidemic of epileptic seizures. 5.Al Gore personally emails you and tells you to get off his Internet. 4."Featuring Roger Ebert's home sex tapes!" 3.The only guest book entry is from your mom: "Yes, Dear, it's nice. Now come down to dinner." 2.Previous visitors e-mail you ASCII pictures of vomit. and the Number 1 Sign Your Website Sucks... 1.Your Pamela Anderson site has no pictures -- just her poetry.