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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Carragher who wrote (11949)	10/12/1999 4:45:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; >> it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally >> demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. >> After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, >> "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. >> Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but >> fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from >> God that we should meet and be friends and live >> together in peace for the rest of our days." >> >> Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you >> completely!" >> >> "This must be a sign from God!" The woman >> continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. >> My car is completely demolished but this bottle of >> wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this >> wine and celebrate our good fortune." >> >> Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods >> his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the >> bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The >> woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap >> back on, and hands it back to the man. >> >> The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" >> >> The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the >> police..." >> > >

To: John Carragher who wrote (11949)	10/12/1999 4:53:00 PM
From: HiGuy	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The bartender comes over, and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The cat says "I'll have a half beer, but I'm not paying for it." The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please", and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment. The next day, the man, ostrich and cat come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer", and the ostrich says "I'll have the same", and the cat says "I'll have a half glass of beer but I'm not paying for it". Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the trio enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "I'll have a small scotch but I'm not paying for it" says the cat. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there." says the man. The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich and the cat?" The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."

To: John Carragher who wrote (11949)	10/12/1999 8:23:00 PM
From: Mephisto	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

The Halloween Surprise A couple was invited to a masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go on his own. He protested, but she told him that she would take a couple of aspirin and go to bed. "Go and have a good time," she told him. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife slept soundly for one hour. When she woke up, her headache was gone! It was early so she decided to go to the party. She never told her husband what her costume looked like. Aha! She thought. How does he behave when I am not with him? When she arrived at the party, she spotted her husband on the dance floor immediately. She watched. He danced with every pretty chick that he could find. He copped a little feel here. And he got a big kiss there. His wife sidled up to him. She was seductive a babe so he left his partner high and dry so he could hustle the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear. She agreed. So off they went to one of the cars where they had a big bang. Just before they removed their masks at midnight, she slipped away and went home. She put her costume away and got into bed. She wondered what kind of explanation he would make up for his behavior. Propped up in bed, she read her book. When he came in, she asked him if he had a good time. He said, "Oh, the same old thing." "You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." She asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance." When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......." geocities.com