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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tmoore who wrote (12059)	10/18/1999 8:47:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

Two men sit at a bar. The first one just slowly sips at his drink, studying the other man at the far end of the bar. Finally, the first man makes up his mind, and walks up the the second man. He sits back down and continues nursing his drink. The second man, thinking nothing of it, continues his drinking in peace. After a while, the first man speaks up. "This place is great, isn't it?" he asks. The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, replies, "Why do you say that?" The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds, "Follow me." The second man, well drawn up into this hush-hush secret attribute of the bar, follows. They stop at the large window at one end of the room. "Here's why." The first man thows open the window, and boldly steps out into--nothing. But he remains aloft! "The air currents are great here!" he exclaims. "It's very relaxing." As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the second man to try it. The second man, somewhat questioningly, looks over the windowsill--down to the pavement twelve stories below. He looks to either side, and finally up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up. Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swollows, closes his eyes, and steps out into-- nothing. And promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below. The second man, with a slight grin on his face, gets his drink, returns to his original spot at the bar, and starts sipping again. Looking rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the placemwhere the man sits. "You know," he says, disgusted. "You're a real jerk when you're drunk, Mr. Kent."

To: Tmoore who wrote (12059)	10/20/1999 6:22:00 PM
From: Wooly	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

There must be a message about the taste of the American people with Martha Stewart and WWF go public the same day - I just can't put my finger on it right now. In honor of Martha's new $1.17 billion valuation, here are some of her pearls of "wediquette", which of course stands for wisdom combined with etiquette: **************************** Tips from Martha Stewart: Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected.) If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.