Judi went to Sherry's place to tell her about a horrible experience she had the previous night with this guy she took home.
Sherry asked "Well, what happened when you got there?"
Judi said, "After sex the S.O.B. called me a slut!"
"What did you do then?" Sherry asked, somewhat shocked.
Judi said "I told him to get the hell out of my bedroom, and take his eight friends with him!"
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Bubba was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game,
she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV. "Hey!" Bubba shouted. "What do you think you are doing?!" "I'm sick of sports, I'm sick of TV," Verniece replied. "You
haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!"
"OK, OK.... So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"
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A guy goes into a dentist's office, sits down in the chair, and takes out his dick.
The dentist says, "What are you DOING? I'm a DENTIST!"
The guy says, "There's a TOOTH in there!"
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Upon graduation a newly commissioned Air Force Lieutenant joined hundreds of other guys in getting married to the local goodie goodie girls.
Our couple never spent any time alone so the wedding night was their first night together.He tried for a BJ the wedding night. She said,
"No, I won't do that, you won't respect me after."
He put it off for a year and tried again.Same response,
"No, I won't do that, you won't respect me after."
This time he added, "Yes I would, it is an act of mutual love and I would appreciate it."
On their fifth anniversary the same scenario. How about a BJ?
"No, you won't respect me after."
"I would love you for it."
At the ten, fifteen and twenty year anniversaries the same routine. Now on the twenty-fifth anniversary he again asked for a BJ.
"No, I won't, you won't respect me after."
"Yes, I will, I will love you all the more...etc."
She responded with a magnificent, full service BJ. Her every move was a symphony of joy. She was professional to every degree. It blew his mind. After, the exhausted husband laid back and pondered the ecstasy he had been missing all these years. In his complete satisfaction it grated on him all the joy he had been denied because of her modesty. He certainly would not hold it against her for that! Suddenly, the phone rang and he reached over and answered it. He handed the phone to the wife and said,
"Here, it is for you cocksucker!"
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Every afternoon after work, a group of local guys would meet at the neighborhood bar for a little pool and a few beers. Undoubtedly, somehow the subject always came up about which guy had the longest penis. Day in and day out the bartender overheard these braggarts and frankly it got a little boring.
One day, the bartender had heard the same old exaggerations once too many and he said,
"All right, enough of this bull-shit. I want each and every one of you to stand up here at the bar and I'm going to personally measure each of you and just MAYBE we can put a stop to all this crap."
Well, they all gathered around the bar, unzipped and laid it out there to be measured. Just then, the door opens and in the blast of sunlight standsa faggot. The bartender looks up and says,
"Can I help you?"
The faggot takes a look at the line-up and says,
"Well, I was going to get a cocktail, but I think I'll just have the buffet".
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Barely 20 minutes after teeing off, a woman came into the clubhouse, grimacing in pain.
"What happened?" the club pro asked.
"I got stung by a bee," she replied.
"Where?"
"Between the first and second holes."
"Hmm," the pro murmured. "Sounds like your stance was a little too wide." |
