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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Carragher who wrote (12097)	10/20/1999 5:06:00 PM
From: Tommy Hicks	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Taken from classified ads in newspapers: FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG ----------------------------------- FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. ---------------------------------- 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer ---------------------------- AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. ----------------------------- SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. ------------------------------- FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG ------------------------------ 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 ------------------------------ TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 ------------------------------- COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. -------------------------------- 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000 --------------------------------- STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15 --------------------------------- SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents ----------------------------------- GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. ----------------------------------- FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL. ----------------------------------- FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME. ---------------------------------- FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50 ----------------------------------- NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED ************* CALL CHUBBIE ************* ------------------------------------- BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" -------------------------------------- SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS -------------------------------------- FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD. --------------------------------------- HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" ---------------------------------------- GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER. ----------------- HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB ----------------------------------------- GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb. ------------------------------------------ NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED ------------------------------------------ FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT. ------------------------------------------ AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100 ------------------------------------------- TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR. --------------------------------------------- EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175. --------------------------------------------- OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. ----------------------------------------------- JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300. ---------------------------------------------- LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY. --------------------------------------------- ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER -------------------------------------------- GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb. ------------------------------ GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL. ---------------------------------- OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS -------------------------------------- KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box ----------------------------------------------- FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb. --------------------------------------- FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

To: John Carragher who wrote (12097)	10/22/1999 2:43:00 PM
From: Mephisto	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

MISS BEA'S PREVENTION: Miss Bea was in her 80s. She was sweet and kind to all. Her pastor pastor came to call one afternoon early in the spring. She welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. And, she asked him, "Would he like tea? The pastor admired the antique furniture in the room while Miss Bea prepared tea. Suddenly, he noticed that a beautiful cut-glass bowl filled with water sat on top of the old pump organ. When he looked closely at the bowl, he discovered that a condom floated in the water. He thought: Surely Miss Bea had flipped!! Certainly it would be improper if he mentioned the strange sight. Miss Bea returned with tea and cookies. The pastor and Miss Bea engaged in polite conversation. They talked about her neighbors and her garden, but eventually, the pastor could no longer contain his curiosity about the antique bowl that contained a floating condom! "Miss Bea", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this," pointing to the bowl" "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful!! I was downtown when I noticed this little package on the sidewalk. When I opened the package, there was a note inside the box, next to the cute little plastic object..... It said to put the little thing on your organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. "And you know, Pastor. It works. I haven't had a cold this winter!"