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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MrsNose who wrote (12124)	10/22/1999 9:00:00 AM
From: scrooge	Respond to of 62568

I don't often find one that I don't think has been seen here before, but...here goes GRANDMA WRITES GOT A LETTER FROM GRANDMA THE OTHER DAY. SHE WRITES: The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach".... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Grandma

To: MrsNose who wrote (12124)	10/22/1999 10:57:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62568

Ten-year-old Johnny was walking down the sidewalk > pulling a wagon and > > dragging a dead flattened frog on a string behind > it, when he came upto > > the doorstep of a whorehouse. He knocked on the > door, and the madam came > > to answer it. > > > > When she saw him with his wagon and frog, she just > stared and asked what > > he wanted. Johnny said "I know what you sell in > there, I have the money > > to buy it, and I'm not leaving 'till I get it!" > > > > She thought she would have some fun with him, so > she told him to come > > in. Once he got in, she told him to pick out the > girl he liked. > > > > Johnny asked, "Do any of these girls have any > diseases?" Well, the madam > > was somewhat surprised, but of course, she told > him, "No". > > > > Johnny replied:"Well, I heard all the men were > talking about having to > > go to the hospital and get shots after making love > with Mabel, and that > > is the girl I want. I have the money to pay for > it." > > > > The madam stared incredulously at him, but finally > told him "Well, > > alright then. Mabel it is. Go upstairs and to the > first room on the > > right." > > > > So, Johnny headed up the stairs dragging the > smashed frog behind him. > > > > About ten minutes later, he came back down the > stairs, still dragging > > the frog. He paid the madam, and picked up his > wagon and headed out the > > door, at which time the madam stopped him. > > > > "Since you already knew about Mabel, why on earth > would you pick the > > only girl in the place with > > a disease, instead of one of theothers?" she asked > Johnny. > > > > He answered back, "Well, tonight when I get home, > my mother and father > > are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me > at home with the > > baby-sitter. When they leave, I am going to screw > her, and give her the > > disease I just caught. When mom and dad get home, > dad will drive the > > baby-sitter home. On the way, he will screw her > too, just like he always > > does, and he will catch it from her. When dad gets > back home, he and mom > > will go to bed, and they will make love, and mom > will catch it too. > > Then, in the morning when dad goes to work, the > milkman will deliver the > > milk, and he will screw my mom, and he will catch > it, and he's the > > son-of-a-bitch that ran over my FROG!" >