I haven't been reading this thread of late so I may be repeating this joke-essay. It is well worth repeating tho. Myron
Subject:
Jewish vote
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>Responding to reports that Hillary Rodham Clinton's quest for
>a Senate seat from New York improved after it became known that
>her stepgrandfather was Jewish, New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani has
>acknowledged that his second cousin's third wife once rode in a
>cab driven by a Jewish driver.
>"Rabbi Rudy!" trumpeted the New York Post the next day. The
>mayor's favorite tabloid featured a two-page spread on Hizzoner
>wearing various yarmulkes, speaking in shuls, and praying at the
>Western Wall during a visit to Israel. An editorial proclaimed
>that Giuliani, an Italian Catholic, "is just as Jewish in our
>book" as Mrs. Clinton, who is Methodist, and expected rival for
>the Senate seat. "Anyone who disagrees with us," concluded the
>editorial, "we'll personally give a smack in the tuchus and
>wouldn't that make the mayor proud."
>In Washington, political observers scoffed at the effort by New
>York politicians to ingratiate themselves with the city's large
>Jewish population. "It's blatant pandering and voters see right
>through it," said a spokesman for Vice President Al Gore, who
>also dropped the news that the presidential hopeful once roomed
>in college with a young man whose aunt briefly dated a Jewish
>dentist.
>"I mention it only because it happens to be true and people are
>interested in this kind of information," said the spokesman,
>adding that while visiting in New York in early 1991, Gore had
>enjoyed a large piece of Halvah.
>"That's got to give Al a huge bounce in the polls in New York,"
>exclaimed Martin Peretz, publisher of the New Republic and
>longtime supporter of the Tennessee Democrat. "These attempts by
>politicians to appeal to Jewish voters by eating Jewish food and
>using Yiddish words is ludicrous," Peretz said, noting that less
>than 3 percent of the U.S. population is Jewish. "But Al was over
>the house the other night for dinner, and insisted on a corned
>beef sandwich and a seltzer. And when I brought it to him, he
>said,"ah gezunt af dein keppel."
>Former Sen. Bill Bradley, who is competing with Gore for the
>Democratic presidential nomination, said he would not stoop to
>target his campaign toward Jewish voters, despite the fact that
>they go to the polls in disproportionately high numbers.
>"Look, I'm a Rhodes scholar," Bradley explained,"and I know that
>Jewish people appreciate and admire intellectual achievement, and
>they would kvell if they knew my SAT scores or grades at
>Princeton. And I also know that Jewish people are obsessed with
>knowing which famous people are Jewish, whether it's movie stars
>or famous athletes or politicians, but I'm running a different
>kind of campaign, and I'm just not going to get into that stuff.
>So I won't even comment on the fact that my campaign treasurer's
>economics professor at Columbia once used a Jewish accountant.
>And it's irrelevant that the accountant's wife belonged to
>Hadassah."
>Campaigning in Houston, Gov. George W. Bush, the Republican
>presidential front-runner, cut short a speech in Spanish to a
>largely Hispanic audience to ask directions to the nearest
>synagogue.
>When asked why, he said he did not want to look like he was
>engaging in the reprehensible practice of catering to Jewish
> >voters, so he could not explain. But he did note a moment later
>that "my wife's manicurist's therapist's uncle died this morning
>in Brooklyn, and I thought it would be appropriate to stop in to
>a synagogue and recite the traditional kiddush."
>Later, when asked if he meant the Kaddish prayer recited for the
>dead rather than the blessing over wine, Bush appeared annoyed.
>"Hey, I know about Jews and all their sensitivities. I read the
>Old Testament, I learned plenty in the Holy Land, I visited the
>Wailing Wall and saw where our Lord walked. And I kibbutzed
>around with folks on a kibbitz. So don't go there."
>In New York, the Anti-Defamation League issued a statement
>decrying the "growing hysteria among our political leaders to try
>to please Jewish voters who are far too sophisticated to fall for
>such crass attempts." The ADL called it "reverse anti-Semitism,"
>and said if necessary, American Jews will take to the streets to
>insist on a society that is fully democratic. "We won't tolerate
>anyone, including powerful politicians, being too nice to us,"
>said ADL leader Abe Foxman.
>Rabbi Avi Weiss of Riverdale announced immediate plans to chain
>himself to the next politician who emphasizes his or her Jewish
>ties. "It pains me to take action," said the activist rabbi as he
>donned his tallit, "but we simply won't take this standing up."
>Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton issued a statement chastising the
>press for creating such a fuss in the first place over the fact
>that her grandmother had been married to a Jew. She said any talk
>of her leaking this information to improve her standing in the
>Jewish community was "absurd."
>She then left for Western Maryland with her husband where they
>planned to rename their presidential retreat "Camp Star of
>David." |
