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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mephisto who wrote (12173)	10/26/1999 3:21:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

<ADULT> xxx FACTS of LIFE xxx How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out! What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot? "How come?" What's the definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex. Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom? They'll never see you coming. What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? S&M&M. What does Kodak film have in common with a condom? They both capture that special moment. Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary! Why is being in the military like a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole! What's the ultimate in rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. Why don't debutantes go to orgies? There'd be too many thank you notes to write. What is every Amish woman's private fantasy? Two Mennonite! Why is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner. Can you say three two letter words that denote small? Is it in? What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A bingo machine. What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

To: Mephisto who wrote (12173)	10/26/1999 3:23:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

More Ways to Say No, OR "I'd love to but... ... I have to go to court for kitty littering." ... I have to jog my memory." ... I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar." ... I have to rotate my crops." ... I have to sit up with a sick ant." ... I have to stay home and see if I snore." ... I have to study for a blood test." ... I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner." ... I prefer to remain an enigma." ... I think you want the OTHER (fill in your name here)." ... I'm going to be old someday." ... I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush." ... I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me." ... I'm having my baby shoes bronzed." ... I'm trying to cut down." ... I'm up to my eardrums in waxy buildup." ... I've been traded to Cincinnati." ... My Dress For Obscurity class meets then." ... my favorite commercial is on TV." ... My uncle escaped... again." ... Oooo, having fun gives me prickly heat."