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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Canuck Dave who wrote (12239)	10/28/1999 10:20:00 PM
From: emidio	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

time for some more lawyer jokes A lawyer dies on his 40th birthday & finds himself at the Pearly Gates (A lawyer in HEAVEN(!)) In Heaven: A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand. Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the pearly gates, shakes his hand and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you!" Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the attorney sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says, "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive." "Congratulations for what?!" exclaims Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!" The lawyer is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth agape. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says, "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty." "That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."

To: Canuck Dave who wrote (12239)	10/29/1999 9:52:00 AM
From: GUSTAVE JAEGER	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Jewish humour..... During a recent visit to Israel, a friend told me a hilarious joke about Clinton visiting Bibi Netanyahu: when, in Bibi's office, Clinton saw a mysterious blue phone, he asked Bibi what this phone is, and Bibi answered that it allows him to dial Him up there in the sky. Upon his return to the States, the envious Clinton demanded of his secret service to provide him such a phone at any cost. In two weeks, they deliver it and it works, but the phone bill is exorbitant - two million dollars for a one minute talk with Him up there. So Clinton furiously calls Bibi and complains: "How can you afford such a phone, if even we, who support you financially, cannot? Is this how you spend our money?" Bibi calmly answers: "No, it's not that - you see, for us, Jews, that call counts as a local call!" Extracted from my message #15120 on the Kosovo thread: Message 11744509