How the war in Kosovo started
One fateful day, Madeleine Albright walked into a NATO
meeting and, seeing that she was the only female in the
room, said, "So gentlemen, shall we make love or war?"
The vote was unanimous.
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The Old Couple
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant
for lunch.
After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the
table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By
then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place
to turn around.
The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant.
He called his wife every bad name he could think of.
When they finally arrived at the restaurant, as the woman got out of the
car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "While you're in
there, you might as well get my hat, too."
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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
>Here lies
>Ezekial Aikle
>Age 102
>The Good
>Die Young.
>
>In a London, England, cemetery:
>Ann Mann
>Here lies Ann Mann,
>Who lived an old maid
>But died an old Mann.
>Dec. 8, 1767
>
>In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
>Anna Wallace
>The children of Israel wanted bread
>And the Lord sent them manna,
>Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
>And the Devil sent him Anna.
>
>Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
>Here lies
>Johnny Yeast
>Pardon me
>For not rising.
>
>Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pa., cemetery:
>Here lies the body
>of Jonathan Blake
>Stepped on the gas
>Instead of the brake.
>
>In a Silver City, Nev., cemetery:
>Here lays Butch,
>We planted him raw.
>He was quick on the trigger,
>But slow on the draw.
>
>An epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
>Sacred to the memory of
>my husband John Barnes
>who died January 3, 1803
>His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife,
and yearns
>to be comforted.
>
>A lawyer's epitaph in England:
>Sir John Strange
>Here lies an honest lawyer,
>And that is Strange.
>
>Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
>I was somebody.
>Who, is no business of yours.
>
>Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Ariz., in the
>cowboy days of the 1880s. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in
Tombtone,
>Ariz.:
>Here lies Lester Moore
>Four slugs from a .44
>No Les No More.
>
>In a Georgia cemetery:
>"I told you I was sick!"
>
>John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
>Reader if cash thou art
>In want of any
>Dig 4 feet deep
>And thou wilt find a Penny.
>
>On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Va.:
>She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.
>
>In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
>On the 22nd of June --
>Jonathan Fiddle --
>Went out of tune.
>
>Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vt., has an epitaph that sounds
like
>something from a Three Stooges movie:
>Here lies the body of our Anna
>Done to death by a banana
>It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
>But the skin of the thing that made her go.
>
>More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
>Gone away
>Owin' more
>Than he could pay.
>
>Someone in Winslow, Maine, didn't like Mr. Wood:
>In Memory of Beza Wood
>Departed this life
>Nov. 2, 1837
>Aged 45 yrs.
>Here lies one Wood
>Enclosed in wood
>One Wood
>Within another.
>The outer wood
>Is very good:
>We cannot praise
>The other.
>
>On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Mass.:
>Under the sod and under the trees
>Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
>He is not here, there's only the pod:
>Pease shelled out and went to God.
>
>The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pa., is almost a consumer tip:
>Who was fatally burned
>March 21, 1870
>by the explosion of a lamp
>filled with "R.E. Danforth's
>Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
>
>Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, N.Y.:
>Born 1903 -- Died 1942
>Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It
was.
>
>In a Thurmont, Md., cemetery:
>Here lies an Atheist
>All dressed up
>And no place to go.
>
>In a cemetery in England:
>Remember, man, as you walk by,
>As you are now, so once was I,
>As I am now, so shall you be,
>Remember this and follow me.
>
>To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
>To follow you I'll not consent,
>Until I know which way you went.
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