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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (12315)	11/3/1999 2:38:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair. He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he decides to set a trap for her. He puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he suspends a spoon. He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. But, if there is any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk and he will detect it upon his return home. He comes home several days later. The first thing he does is reach under the bed and retrieve the bowl to find it full of butter... ********************************************************************** A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I've got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede.” He gets the centipede home and says to it, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later he walks into the kitchen and.....it's immaculate! All the dishes and the silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter tops clean; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted, the pillows on the sofa plumped; the plants watered. The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything” Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.” The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later...no centipede. 20 minutes later...no centipede. 30 minutes later....still no centipede. By this point the man is wandering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it..and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, “Hey!! I sent you to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!” The centipede says, “I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just putting on my shoes!”