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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Carragher who wrote (12326)	11/4/1999 10:58:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62551

More Darwin Awards entrants: CLEANER POLISHES OFF PATIENTS “For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning,” a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. “There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues.” However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths... “It seems that every Friday morning a cleaning lady would enter the ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear the screams and eventual death rattle over the whirring of her polisher”. “We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in question. Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department is arranging for an electrician to fit an extra socket, so there should be no repetition of this incident. The inquiry is now closed.” (Cape Times) (a runner-up) THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was killed by his cell phone...more or less. He was doing the usual “walking and talking” when he walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his neck. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to drive and dial at the same time.

To: John Carragher who wrote (12326)	11/4/1999 4:59:00 PM
From: Wooly	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"