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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Thomas M. who wrote (12390)	11/7/1999 4:41:00 PM
From: Wooly	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

Oh, no. The joke police. Three industrial sized voodoo dicks to Thomas M. Three Mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth and then bench press it 100 times." The Second Mouse looking unimpressed, orders two shots of tequila, grabs one in each paw, slams the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, grind it up and take it home and put in my co ffee in the morning and I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day." The first and second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says, "I have no time for all this bullshit, I gotta go home and fuck the Cat."

To: Thomas M. who wrote (12390)	11/7/1999 5:29:00 PM
From: Bruce Hoyt	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62552

What? I'm being chastised by someone who keeps posting and posting here and doesn't even know enough to leave a joke? Buzz off. > SLEEPING > > A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. > Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud > shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. > > Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may > know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" > > The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City." > > Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi > driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the > Kingdom of Heaven." > > The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and > it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I > am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three > years." > > Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take > this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of > Heaven." > > "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver > and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" > > "Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you > preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed." >

To: Thomas M. who wrote (12390)	11/8/1999 12:32:00 PM
From: The Rabbit	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

Last I looked, the title of this thread was "Jokes", not "non-repeated jokes" or "posts complaining about repeated jokes but don't have actual jokes in them". This whole topic has been beaten to death (translation: IT'S A REPEAT!), Thomas M and Formerly Joe, and last I looked the consensus was this: Use the "next" button, Luke. ===================== Here's a joke, in case you need to know how this works... ===================== A guy goes into a bar and notices a gorgeous young woman in the tightest pants he's ever seen. The guy can't help asking, "How does a person get into those pants? She smiles. "Well, you could offer to buy me a drink first".