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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MSB who wrote (62645)	11/10/1999 1:37:00 AM
From: epicure	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

There are books out there exactly for that. My husband and I each have one and we bought more for the grandmother's (who are doing a less than diligent job filling theirs out). The books we have are entitled "My Memories" but I've seen several books with similar titles. THey have pages that prompt you to put down things that your children might be interested in- what life was like for you as a child, what your pets were, your first friendships, what you wanted to be, what you remember about parents, holidays, traditions- etc. There are places for pictures, family trees, etc. These books can be ordered anywhere- I highly recommend them.

To: MSB who wrote (62645)	11/10/1999 3:13:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 108807

What a very good suggestion! Thank you. I should also add: Get out those old photos and get identification of the people now. Not only do we already have problems; my friend with the house from hell can only scratch his head and guess at some of the photos we have found. Moreover, ask questions while there are people alive to take a stab at answering them. Cousins were asking me questions about very delicate perceptions of interactions among the brothers and sisters who were our parents; all we have are guesses. It is good that we try to understand who they were as people in their complexity; it is ridiculous that these questions were not asked of the people themselves, since our guesses may be miles off base. Perhaps we might not have been given "real" answers, but it is always worth a try. Another thought: Do not forget the relations by marriage. In my family, which was very "inclusive," they became part of the clan. When my mother died, cousins from my father's family--which was not close and was divided deeply--came from great distances to say goodbye to the person who had given them a family. We remain close to this day because of her influence. I often meet in a business setting several people who are related only by a series of marriages, yet because of the nature of my family, I know what is happening in their lives and the warmth and caring are nearly palpable. My sister's ex-husband is still a member of the family and grieved deeply at Ray's death. The one positive thing about death and the mourning process is that it can strengthen these ties and broaden our world. Friends have joined "the clan" as well over the years and have become part of the texture of it. One of my professors from college, for example, has shared Thanksgiving with Ray and Marie and me and my mother; she was at the funeral and is already considering "manhandling" a turkey later this month to provide a different venue for the celebration and a new tradition. N.B., she is in her eighties, so this is a large expression of love on her part. If I have any advice, it is to cherish the people you love while they are alive and let them know how much you cherish them. My major consolation for all the deaths in my family in recent years is that we did this. Despite all of the distractions, we had special relationships over the years that sustain us now with rich memories and a deep appreciation of one another, living and dead, today.

To: MSB who wrote (62645)	11/10/1999 8:59:00 AM
From: Null Dog Ago	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

I'd probably forget to write in a journal or even where I put it. The only ongoing collection of writings I've been able to keep track of is a notebook I've always kept on my bed-side desk to write the dreams I have down while I can still recall them. If anything, that will most likely be what my children will have to remember me by, and they'll probably end up going to a doctor to make sure they didn't inherit some sort of chemical imbalance from their father.