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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: E who wrote (12523)	11/18/1999 4:05:00 PM
From: E	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 62550

A TEST: Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time Limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately. 1) H I S T O R Y Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific. 2) M E D I C I N E You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes. 3) P U B L I C S P E A K I N G Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. 4) B I O L O G Y Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis. 5) M U S I C Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat. 6) P S Y C H O L O G Y Based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate. 7) S O C I O L O G Y Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory. 8) M A N A G E M E N T S C I E N C E Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs. 9) E N G I N E E R I N G The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision. 10) E C O N O M I C S Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question. 11) P O L I T I C A L S C I E N C E There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any. 12) E P I S T E M O L O G Y Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position. 13) P H Y S I C S Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. 14) P H I L O S O P H Y Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. 15) G E N E R A L K N O W L E D G E Describe in detail. Be objective and specific. * * E X T R A C R E D I T * Define the universe; give three examples.

To: E who wrote (12523)	11/20/1999 1:38:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Kind of a nice way to look at things....... > > I am thankful for..... > >....the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been >surrounded by friends > > ....the taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed. > > > ....the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough >to eat. > > > ....my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine. > > > ....a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that >need fixing because it means I have a home. > > > ....the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I >am capable of walking. > > > ....all the complaining I hear about our government because it means we >have freedom of speech. > > > ....my huge heating bill because it means I am warm. > > > ....the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that >I can hear. > > > ....the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are >nearby. > > > ....weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I >have been productive. > > > ....the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means >that I'm alive. >

To: E who wrote (12523)	11/20/1999 1:42:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

>A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the >preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He >grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. > >The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" > >My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." > >Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and >Easter?" > >He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

To: E who wrote (12523)	11/20/1999 1:43:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

>A newly ordained preacher and his young wife were talking about >being more considerate of each other. The good wife promised that >she would stop being so critical of his sleep-inducing sermons. He, >in return, promised to honor her privacy and stop looking through >her dresser drawers. > >The preacher was true to his word, and never looked through his >wife's dresser drawers; the good wife was never openly critical of >her husband's sermons; and their marriage progressed smoothly. > >After 50 years, their children gave a great party to celebrate the >golden anniversary of the preacher and his wife. Many people came >to congratulate the happy couple, and brought lovely gifts. > >That evening, as they were putting the gifts away, the preacher saw >that his wife had left one dresser drawer slightly open. He tried >as hard as he could to withstand the temptation, but he finally >opened the drawer and looked inside. There he found 3 eggs, and >$10,000.00, in bills of varied denominations. He was greatly >puzzled by this, and went to question his wife. > >"Oh," she said. "Well, you remember when we spoke of being more >considerate with each other all those years ago?" > >The preacher, feeling profoundly guilty, answered "yes." > >"Well," she continued, "I promised to stop criticizing your boring >sermons, but every time you gave a sermon that was a real snoozer, I >put an egg into that drawer." > >The preacher smiled. "Well, that's not so bad. 50 years of sermons >and only 3 eggs! But what about all that money?" > >His wife quietly responded, "Every time I got a dozen eggs, I sold >them." >

To: E who wrote (12523)	11/20/1999 1:44:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62550

>Passengers aboard a luxurious cruise ship were having a great time >when a beautiful young woman fell overboard. Immediately there was >an 80 year old man in the water who rescued her. The crew pulled >them both out of the treacherous waters. The captain was grateful >as well as astonished that such a white haired old man performed >such an act of bravery. That night a banquet was given in honor of >the ship's elderly hero. He was called forward to receive an award >and was asked to say a few words. He said, "First of all, I'd like >to know who pushed me."