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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (12532)	11/19/1999 10:54:00 AM
From: TigerPaw	Respond to of 62550

cut&paste, sorry about the caps A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW" HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY. "FIX THE LIGHT? NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO." WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT." TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO." "FINE," SHE SAYS "THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK." "I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS," HE SAYS. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!" SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED. 'HONEY, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?" SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE." HE SAID, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?" SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO........ DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?"

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (12532)	11/22/1999 9:42:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Murphy The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words,'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a bar in one of the small towns. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president of our local savings bank. There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who works at the stables. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives right down the street." ========================================================== Indian Mating Season There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up this hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave. The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something. "No", said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you. Well, just about that time, the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", off came the clothes and into the cave he goes. The Polish guy starts running around the desert... looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave. As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger then the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!" Well... he took off up the hill at a super fast speed with his hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave. The next day, in the newspaper, the head lines read, NAKED POLLOCK RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN!!! ===========================================