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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Rabbit who wrote (1939)	11/20/1999 10:22:00 AM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

Overboard --------- Six Presidents were on a sinking boat. Ford says, "What do we do?" Bush says, "Man the life boats!" Reagan says, "What life boats?" Carter says, "Women first..." Nixon says, "Screw the women!" Clinton says, "You think we have time?"

To: The Rabbit who wrote (1939)	11/21/1999 1:33:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, " You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man." He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil. This one's black."

To: The Rabbit who wrote (1939)	11/21/1999 1:36:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

Subject: satan in church > > > ><< > > > > One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town > > > of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the > > > services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and > > > talking about their lives, their families, etc.. > > > Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. > > > Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, > > > trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil > > > incarnate. > > > Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly > > > Woman who sat > > > calmly in her pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that > > > God's > > > ultimate enemy was in her > > > presence. > > > Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the woman and > > > said, "Don't you know who I am?" > > > The woman replied, "Yep, sure do." > > > Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" > > > "Nope, sure ain't," said the woman. > > > Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, > > > "Why aren't you afraid of me?" > > > > > > The man calmly replied, "Been married to your brother for over 48 > > > years." > > >> > > >

To: The Rabbit who wrote (1939)	11/21/1999 1:38:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

> THREE BLONDE MEN > > > > Three blonde men are stranded on one side of a wide river, and don't >know > > how to get across. > > > > The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to > > cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims > > across. > > > > The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him > > into > > a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across. > > > > Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God > > turns him into a woman and he walks across the bridge. > > > >

To: The Rabbit who wrote (1939)	11/21/1999 1:40:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

TO ALL THE EVE'S OUT THERE........... >> >> >One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... >> >"Lord, I have a problem!" >> >"What's the problem, Eve?" >> >"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful >> >garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic >> >snake, but I'm just not happy." >> >"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. >> >"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." >> >"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for >> >you." >> >"What's a 'man', Lord?" >> >"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an >> >enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you >> >properly. >> >All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster >> >and more muscular than you. He'll also need your advice to think >> >properly. >> >He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about, hunting >> >fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack." >> >"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. >> > >> >"What's the catch, Lord?" >> >"Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition." >> >"What's that, Lord?" >> >"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first." >> >

To: The Rabbit who wrote (1939)	11/21/1999 1:52:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

My Joke source is back! As the President is getting off the helicopter in front of the White > House, he has a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snaps to > attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir." > > The President replies: "These are not pigs, these are authentic > Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for > Chelsea." > > The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and replies, "Nice trade, > sir."

To: The Rabbit who wrote (1939)	11/21/1999 2:06:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

This might be politically incorrect and I apologize if I offend anyone. My husband and kids were alright about it though! > >> Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. The straw pig, the stick > >>pig, > >> and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw > >>pig's > >> house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff, and blow your house down." So > >>he > >> did! > >> > >> The straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Let > >>me > >> in, please, the wolf just blew down my house!" > >> > >> The stick pig let the straw pig in. Then the wolf showed up and said, > >>"I'm > >> gonna huff and puff, and blow your house down!" And he did! > >> > >> So, the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick > >>pig's > >> house and said, "Let us in! The wolf just blew down our houses and > >>we're > >> scared!" > >> > >> So the brick pig let them in. The wolf caught up with them and said, > >>"I'm > >> gonna huff and puff, and blow your house down." > >> > >> While he was huffing and puffing, the straw pig and the stick pig were > >>so > >> scared. But the brick pig picked up the phone and called a friend. A > >>few > >> minutes passed and all of a sudden this big, black stretch limousine > >>drove > >> up. Out came two massive pigs in pinstriped suits and fedoras. These > >>huge > >> pigs came over to the wolf and grabbed him by the neck and proceeded to > >> beat the crap out of him. Then they got back into their limo and drove > >>off. > >> > >> The straw pig and the stick pig were amazed. They asked the brick pig, > >>"Who > >> the heck were those guys?" > >> > >> And the brick pig said, "Oh, those are my cousins, the Guinea Pigs." In case you haven't figure it out, my husband and kids are Italian!(well the kids are 1/2 Italian and 1/2 Irish)

To: The Rabbit who wrote (1939)	11/21/1999 2:09:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

Once upon a time there lived a king who had a beautiful daughter. Everything the girl touched, would melt. No matter what - metal, wood, plastic, stone etc. Everything she touched would melt!! Because of this, men were afraid of her and nobody would dare to marry her. One day a wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that would not melt in her hands, her symptom will be cured." The king was overjoyed by the thought and the next day he announced a competition - any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt, would get to marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that since the diamond is the hardest jewel it would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted! The second prince brought a very hard alloy, but the same thing happened.....so he too went away. The third prince said to the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel it." The princess did as she was told, though turning red. Ta da........it did not melt!! The king was thrilled and the third prince lived happily ever after with the princess............ QUESTION: What was the object? (scroll down for the answer) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ANSWER: M & M Chocolates.......... they melt in your mouth not in your hand (what were you thinking it was?) >>