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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Didi who wrote (12536)	11/19/1999 7:08:00 PM
From: Oral Roberts	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62547

Flaming Projectile Gerbil !! > >(Actual article from the LA Times:) > >"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only >trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in >the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. > >Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been >admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone >seriously wrong."I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped >Raggot, our gerbil, in." He explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out >"Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but >he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, >thinking the light might attract him." > >At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened >next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of >the tubing, igniting Mr.Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. >It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a >larger pocket of gas further up the >intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." > >Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact >of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his >anus and lower intestinal tract. > > >Editor's Notes: >Top Ten Scariest Things About This Story : > >10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..." > >9. "So I peered into the tube..." (I'm sorry, but that's like looking >through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the >sun) . > >8. That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being >shot out of the guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky & >Bullwinkle. > >7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's >anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was >springtime fresh after his journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love." > >6. People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their >rectums. > >5. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing >when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up >a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniacal, anal sex fiends breaking into >my house and sodomizing me with charcoal lighter fluid before admitting the >truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor >and saying "Well Doc, it's like this. You see, we have this gerbil named >Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..." > >4. "First and Second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the >burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does one >ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell of a >burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of >God's green earth. > >3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for: "Idiotic >white men who insert rodents up their butts." > >2. What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this? > >1. This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those >Mormons? I am getting a whole new image of the Osmond family. >