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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (12748)	12/10/1999 11:28:00 PM
From: doby	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62562

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue,and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100. "That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

To: John Messbauer who wrote (12748)	12/11/1999 11:55:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62562

An elderly woman walked into a liquor store with two guns, pointed them at the shop-keeper and said "Give me six bottles of scotch whiskey, all the money in the till, and then I want you to take me into your storeroom and make love to me." The shopkeeper got her the six bottles of scotch, emptied the money from the till into the old woman's handbag, and then went with her into the storeroom and made love to her. In the excitement the old lady dropped the guns on the floor. The shop-keeper paused a moment, then said "Madam, could you please pick up your guns again, I'm expecting my wife to arrive any minute."

To: John Messbauer who wrote (12748)	12/14/1999 1:48:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62562

Sexual Tension Quiz Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin. 1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. 2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. 3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. 4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open. 5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. 6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. 7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. 8. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. 9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. 10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. 11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. 12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. 13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it. 14. I make some guys shoot in the air. I usually have a little pecker. I'm better in your hand than in your bush. Answers: 1. nose 2. peanut butter 3. crane 4. Titanic 5. tent 6. dentist 7. wedding ring 8. elevator 9. chewing gum 10. newspaper boy 11. glove 12. arrow 13. attorney 14. bird