Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were
both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone
off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Mom in
her teddy, and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for
the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my
boner and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon was so
bright that it lit up the yard, The place was a mess, something hit it
real hard.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a crooked
old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out
of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm
speaking, he was as high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it
didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Fuckin' slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Over the lamp
post, and don't hit that tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta
go pee. They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, as Santa
leaned out and threw up in the shrub. And then from the roof came a hell
of a splatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was
donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down through the chimney he came
with a crash.
His suit was all soaking with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he
smelled like a whore. "That was some cathouse," he said with a smile, "The
reindeer are pooped, so I'll hang for awhile."
He walked to the kitchen and poured up a drink, Then whipped out his
pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with
glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den,
Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new
things were packed.
The first thing he found was a black leather whip, Next were some
X-rated video clips.
A box full of condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pack of panties,
the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And boxes of
goodies I won't even mention. A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of
oil, And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for
kids, Mrs. Santa would shit, If you don't mind I'll leave it all here
when I split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With
one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but
his feet were like lead, And he fell on his buttocks and broke wind
instead. He cursed and got up and climbed into his hitch, "Let's go ya
varmits, the night's been a bitch!" The shuddering lurch slammed him
back in his chair, And he let out a belch as they took to the air,
Bending the lamp post and raking the tree, He bounced off a rooftop and
finally got free. "I'm comin' home, woman!" he sang with a smirk, "So
grab both your ankles, and pull up your skirt!" |
