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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Rambi who wrote (43235)	12/8/1999 1:29:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Yes, ma'am! (Saluting smartly, LOL!)

To: Rambi who wrote (43235)	12/8/1999 2:58:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Respond to of 71178

In the spirit of insubstantiality, I hereby inform you guys that MTV is showing the 100 greatest rock videos of all time this week. It started Monday and ends Friday, and no, I haven't seen any of it, I just found out. In case you haven't watched MTV in a while, they don't seem to play many music videos anymore, so this will be a trip down Nostalgia Lane. Be there or be square!

To: Rambi who wrote (43235)	12/8/1999 3:13:00 PM
From: Neocon	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Women - your shopping advantage! Christmas is just around the corner so here are some gift ideas for those special men in your life! Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why. Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from hhis ear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts. Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips. Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer. Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy. Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why. Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.") Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?" Rule #12: Tickets to a Vikings game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." everyone knows why. Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker. Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why. Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why. (Just a joke sheet making the rounds. Author unknown.....)

To: Rambi who wrote (43235)	12/8/1999 3:56:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

For women who do too much ~ Martha Stewart's family intervenes: washingtonpost.com An excerpt: "Martha, sit down. Look at this. This is Page 118 of your magazine. What do you see there?" The world's most famous multimedia homemaker gazed at the page. "It's a feature on decorating coffee bags," she said. "What's wrong with that?" "It's crazy, Martha. Why would you want to decorate a coffee bag? A coffee bag is for carrying coffee home from the supermarket. Who cares what the bag looks like, for God's sake? And you're telling people to decorate it with a ribbon and a sprig of juniper." "But people like to decorate things at Christmastime," Martha said. "It's traditional. It's good to make things." "That's true, Martha, it is good to make things," said Dr. Reiss. "It's also good to wash your hands. But when someone washes their hands 47 times a day, we say they have a psychological problem. It's called an obsessive-compulsive disorder. I believe you have a similar problem." "I do?" "Yes, you do, Martha," the shrink said. "Think about it. In this magazine, you've got a feature on the song 'The Twelve Days of Christmas.' " "I love that song," Martha said. "So do I," said the shrink. "Everybody does. But, Martha, most people are content to listen to the song, or maybe sing it. But you, Martha, you've got a 20-page feature here on how to make all the gifts in the song--paper turtledoves, baked French hens, five different kinds of gold rings, ornate artificial goose eggs, pastry swans, lords-a-leaping paper dolls. It's madness, Martha, can't you see that?" "I thought it was kind of cute," Martha said.