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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: epicure who wrote (66134)	12/11/1999 9:39:00 PM
From: Nuni	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

I have never claimed to be logical--but I do have a sense of fairness. By my definition, "wopping" means a quick, light "smack" on the bottom. Spanking is many wops, sometimes hard wops. Slapping (which to me means on the face) is definitely not good. I think we have similar views on child-rearing. I don't believe in physical violence. Spanking one's child out of frustration is not what I'm talking about. But to teach a pre-verbal child that an electic cord is "bad," how else to do than to slap a hand (gently)? That's my definition of wopping too, by the way. I'm uncomfortable with this, because I think we all have different definitions of spanking, and wopping, and discipling. I knew what JLA meant, and I knew that Christine misunderstood. And I would probably define myself as a namby pamby liberal, but since I'm not logical, I'm not quite sure....

To: epicure who wrote (66134)	12/11/1999 10:26:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Respond to of 108807

I have read a couple of Alice Miller's books, and I like her. I think she is basically right, but, as Nuni says, she's talking about a way of bringing up children that seems very rigid and harsh to me. I'm familiar with some of the concepts, like demanding that tiny babies act respectful, and obedient. Strict feeding schedules, so the baby doesn't get spoiled. It's very much out of style, at least here in the USA, although some still go by it. I liked Penelope Leach the best, but she's the anti-Christ to some, I know. My husband's mother grew up in Nazi Germany, and his father met her during the Occupation, and married her, and brought her and her mother to live in the USA, and his mother worked, and his grandmother raised him according to the old strict rules. He hated his childhood, but he's got a streak of it in him, too. He doesn't hit the children, but he will hit the dog if I don't stop him, for stuff like digging in the garden, or chewing on shoes. Of course, she shoudn't do stuff like that, but hitting her won't teach her anything, and I think hitting little children probably doesn't teach them anything, either. But I did spank Ben and Nick. In retrospect, I probably was acting out of anger more than anything else, and I think hitting a child in anger is wrong, and I think hitting a child in cold blood is wrong. There's a state that isn't cold blood and it isn't anger, that's more like the swat a mother cat gives a kitten, and I don't think that's wrong, but I am not sure if there isn't a better way.