I really can't do this justice: a web page devoted to things that bad rabbits should write on the chalkboard and say they shouldn't do. The odd thing was it turned up when I was looking for a William Morris scarf, one finds the strangest things on the Internet:
geog.utoronto.ca
A VERY small excerpt:
"[xxx] are not tasty snacks: Bathmats, bicycle tires, bills, bits of wire, books, carpet bindings, electrical cords, fine leather handbags, fringes, items of drying laundry, leather jackets, legal documents, pants cuffs, paychecks, phone cords, plaster corners, plastic bags, printer cables, rubber tub stoppers, rugs, shoes, slipcovers, socks (being worn or not), towels, wastebaskets, waste in wastebaskets, welcome mats.
--- Annoying/Embarrassing Habits ---- After my human has been on the floor petting me for forty-five minutes, I will refrain from nudging her ankle and grunting determinedly at her in order to elicit MORE petting when she gets up to make her dinner. As much as I love my brother, I do not need to show it to the world. Especially while on display at an Easter egg hunt so that my human has to come up with some sort of explanation for the little humans. Being brushed to avoid hairballs is a good thing. I should not run in circles around my human to avoid it. Being chased with a net is not a game. I will not dance like crazy, shake my head and wiggle my ears in a fit of silliness while my human is trying to catch me. (Rascal was an abandoned bunny who took me weeks to catch, as he was loose in my neighborhood park). I am 5 pounds of rabbit. Claw trimming shouldn't take 2 days, 2 people and tranquilization (of me). I am not a dog. I will stop tugging on shirts like a bulldog. I do not need to pounce on everything I see. I do not need to refuse to go to my cage for bed time till 2 in the morning. I do not need to take over the second shelf of the bookcase also. I already have the first one. I will accept the traditional meaning of 'no!' and quit trying to continually redefine it. I will not actively refuse a treat, pushing it out of my cage in disgust, and then thump loudly and gnaw on my cage wire when everyone else gets one and I don't. I will not attempt to escape my cage by climbing through the feeder. I will not be inspired by the Bad Bunny List to repeat ALL the items on the list. I will not disappear by fading into the shadows and then laugh at the humans when they can't find me. I will not eat my poop then be so kind as to wash my human's face! I will not enjoy scaring people to near death by jumping up to the the window ledge, grunting and thumping to announce my presence. I will not escape from my cage in the middle of the night and hide out under the couch with my cousins, the dust bunnies. I will not growl at my parents when they try to give me my medicine. I will not hide in the closet so my human can't see me, then scare him to death when he sticks his hand in to feel around, and feels...me! I will not hurdle the baby gate. I will not lie down on my side with my eyes half open and imitate a dead rabbit. I will not look really cute and snuggle into people's laps and then pee. I will not nuzzle my human affectionately and then attack her face. I will not openly groom my genitals in front of company. I will not pout and throw a fit every time the slaves leave town. I will not push open the closet door and camp out in the dirty laundry. I will not rush at my human growling and batting with my paws when she tries to pick up my food dish. She is trying to fill it not STEAL it. I will not run half way up the stairs, turn around, give my human a cheeky look and then run the rest of the way up, just because I know I'm not allowed up there. I will not scare people who ring the doorbell by sitting in the parlor window, pretending I'm not real, and then standing up and grooming myself. I will not scratch at the bedroom door to be let in when I *know* they're in there! I will not sit on my human's sister's head when she is sleeping on the sofa bed, even if it is MY turf. I will not sneak into the neighbor's apartment when my human isn't looking. I will not thump at my human when she has to get her term paper done. (This also goes for peeing on the floor, biting the computer cables, grunting, and running into her feet). I will not yodel after successfully breeding. It is bragging, and the does don't like it. (I had a French Lop who literally sang, up and down the scale, after he mated. Evidently it was genetic, since his son later did the same thing.) I will stop conspiring to get into places with my boyfriend. I will stop engineering it so that I knock down the barrier, and he provides the mobile distraction while I devour all the oats. I will stop giving my human bunny fingers and thumps when she pets/holds/brushes/looks at me. Or looks in my general direction. I will stop trying to go under the house or beside the house where the sharp bushes are when I'm on my harness and leash. When my human shortens my leash so I can't go there, I will not sit and give her dirty looks and bunny fingers. I will wear my rabbit harness without giving the impression that I am a bucking bronco and must be tackled to the floor whenever it is in plain sight. If my human fails to release me from my cage immediately when she wakes up in the morning, I will not go temporarily insane and rip fur out of my neck for the next two hours. If my human gives me extra petting time one day, I will not sulk if I don't get the same attention the next day. Just because my human will not give me the cracker she is eating does not mean I have to growl and thump. My den is NOT under the futon. If the human cleans under the futon, I do not need to lunge at her and batter the broom. My girlfriend is for mounting, not my human's foot. My human's forearms are not sexy. My philosophy shouldn't be "what's yours is MINE, and what's mine is ALL MINE". The humans do not appreciate having their hot water turned off. There are no lost children, rabbits, adults or even planes that need help finding their way through the hall, so there is no need for me to keep "marking the trail". We will not bite our human for no reason. We will not zoom over to low, flat containers of wine, jam our heads in, and start drinking alcoholic beverages without my human's permission." |