Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: PMS Witch who wrote (12922)	12/30/1999 2:37:00 AM
From: Canuck Dave	Respond to of 62549

For those days when it all seems too much... >> Challenges can seem almost insurmountable at times. And things appear to >> be getting not only more difficult, but stranger as well. One seeks >> inspiration and turns to the Bible, the Torah, the Koran, the Bhagavad >> Gita, the Tao Te Ching... >> >> But sometimes they're not enough. That's when you need...The Wisdom of >> Supermodels! >> >> >> ON COURAGE > "They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my >God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind." - >Cindy Crawford > >> ON POVERTY >> "Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery." - Beverly >> Johnson >> >> ON FATE >> "I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that." - >> Christie Brinkley >> >> ON ARRIVING >> "Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more >> particular about the acting roles I take." - Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien >> From L.A.' and 'Danger Island' >> >> ON PRIORITIES >> "I would rather exercise than read a newspaper." - Kim Alexis >> >> ON INNER STRENGTH >> "I love the confidence that makeup gives me." - Tyra Banks >> >> ON TRAVEL >> "I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen >> anything. I don't really care." - Tyra Banks >> >> ON BREAKTHROUGHS >> "Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in >> volleyball and modeling." - Gabrielle Reece >> >> ON HEREDITY >> "My husband was just OK looking. I was in labour and I said to him, What >> if she's ugly? You're ugly.'" - Beverly Johnson >> >> ON THE BASICS >> "It's very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you >> throw on an old T-shirt or sweats, it's not inspiring for your workout." - >> Cheryl Tiegs >> >> ON PARADOX >> "Sometimes I get lonely, but it's nice to be alone." - Tatjana Patitz >> >> ON TRAGEDY >> "The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles, but I had on thick >> tights underneath." - Naomi Campbell >> >> ON INSTINCT >> "If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some >> crackers." - Carol Alt >> >> ON OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS >> "I tried on 250 bathing suits in one afternoon and ended up having little >> scabs up and down my thighs, probably from some of those with sequins all >> over them." - Cindy Crawford >> >> ON ECONOMICS >> "I don't even wake up for less than $10,000 a day." - Linda Evangelista >> >> ON THOUGHT >> "When I model I pretty much go blank. You can't think too much or it >> doesn't work." - Paulina Porizkova >> >> ON DEPRIVATION >> "If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time." - >> Linda Evangelista >> >> ON MOTIVATION >> "It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to, >> and I would." - Kate Moss >> >> ON VERSATILITY >> "I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak." - >> Linda Evangelista >> >

To: PMS Witch who wrote (12922)	12/31/1999 2:31:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Old Rope There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks." _________________________ The Ultimatum She yelled at her husband, "You're gonna be really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!" He responded, "Make up your mind! Which one is it gonna be?" ===================================== When I die, I want to die peacefully, in my sleep. Like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like the passengers in his car. ======================================= "The Farmer" - Rated R A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. "Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket." "Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left." "And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket." Man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked. "I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right." "And then?" "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail." "Hmmm . . . " the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said. "So, what did you do?" the man asked. "Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can't explain." =============================================== The American tourist got the shock of his life when a Mexican with a 6 shooter jumped out from behind a cactus. "Take my money, my car but don't kill me", said the tourist. "I no kill you if you do what I say," said the Mexican. "Just unzip your pants and start masturbating," he ordered. Although shocked, the tourist did what he was told. "Right, now do it again" said the Mexican. The Yank protested but with the gun against his nose, he managed again. "And yet again, Gringo, or I shoot you dead." With sweat running down his brow, the yank managed a final effort and fell exhausted. "Good" said the Mexican, "now you give my sister a ride to the next village." ================================================