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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Grainne who wrote (70573)	1/4/2000 9:15:00 AM
From: epicure	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Bravo Christine. The Right cannot be allowed to co-opt family values. I am no Conservative right winger (obviously)- I belive that what my neighbor does, or believes is HIS or HER business and I want to stay OUT of it- as long as what she or he does hurts no one else (and I will NOT define hurt broadly enough to allow that the mere act of something, like homosexuality, for instance, that has been with us as humans forever, is harmful in and of itself) but I believe in values for MY family. I was not promiscuous as a teenager and I want my children to be that way. I think sexual relationships for teenagers greatly complicate already brutally emotional and complicated relationships. Things are (to a certain extent) what you make them, or believe them to be. If you believe sex to be no big deal, if you believe it to be something you'd do with anyone, it's not going to mean much. I don't personally want my children to debase sex that much. They can have good sex on their own, and then, when they meet someone they really love I hope they'll have good sex with their partners. I don't want them having many partners. I think that is equivalent to sharing your inner self- the one you usually reveal only to your close friends, who you know won't hurt you with your revelations- with many people. There are things we all keep to ourselves and only share with our closest emotional friends- and sex seems to me to be one of those inner self things. I think we are defined by everything we do, including our sex lives. If we are immoderate in our sex lives, or unwise, that will certainly spill over into other areas- especially the emotional side of life. It cannot help but to have an effect. I hope my children will be moderate, and deliberate and responsible in all areas of their lives. I believe that will bring happiness to them as it has brought it to me. It may not- and if they find it doesn't I certainly won't love them any less. But I can only be guided by my experience, and my observation of the experiences of others.

To: Grainne who wrote (70573)	1/4/2000 12:15:00 PM
From: Lizzie Tudor	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

Well you may be correct, I don't have children of my own so I cannot comment from that vantage point - however, I know from my own life experiences that depending on the predominant attitudes towards lifestyles of the day, teenagers in general may choose to act one way or the other - and in the end, I have yet to see evidence that it much matters... of course if someone wants to instill certain values on their kids thats fine by me... I'm just saying these sweeping judgement calls are a little self serving... Do you remember the late 70s and early 80s (this happened to be when I was a teenager)... there was a dramatic shift in attitudes among teenagers that I knew... in the late 70s it was seriously uncool to be a virgin and that changed in the early 80s - kind of the transition from disco to preppie. It was just what was in - nothing more. Now, if I was going to apply your logic to the situation - we would have to assume that the girls who grew up in the 70s that were sexually active were destined to failure... right? Did that happen, methinks not... of course I'm open to any evidence anyone can present - I've never seen anything to indicate these people had problems... This originally came up with regards to that frontline episode, which had a few other topics presented in the piece, to be fair. But for example we were talking about Bennett earlier - a "values" czar, and his whole focus for young women seems to be their sex lives. If he REALLY wanted to help these girls he would find them employment in an upwardly mobile company where they can see what it means to have an economic future... I mean we have a labor shortage in this country there is no reason not to exploit everbody's talents - my guess is these women don't know what it is like to see people make good livings and like what they do. I honestly don't think Bennett has any respect for the people he purports to be helping, but that doesn't stop him from drawing attention to himself for these efforts. I should add that the medical aspects of the sex lives of teenagers, safe sex and all that, is certainly a worthwhile issue that I support. But if you want to present that... then it would be presented more like a communication issue between parents (or schools, MDs, whoever) and teens. That wasn't the focus of the piece - it was more like look whats happening! - with an emphasis on lifestyle.