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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tomato who wrote (12972)	1/8/2000 7:35:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62549

If you are an aspiring Jew or married into a Jewish family, or dating a Jew, there are certain things you must know to survive. Take (or give) this quiz to see if you've learned enough to function in your Jewish family: 1. There are no Jews living in a. sin b. El Paso c. trailer parks 2. The cleaning lady in a Jewish household is expected to: a. do windows b. make latkes c. attend all bar mitzvahs and weddings 3. To Make a good pet for a Jewish child, an animal must be: a. gentle b. housebroken c. stuffed 4. Jews spend their vacations: a. sightseeing b. sunbathing c. discussing where they spent their last vacation and where they'll spend the next. 5. If there's a hairdresser in your immediate family, you are: a. up on the newest styles b. entitled to free haircuts c. not Jewish 6. Wilderness means a. no running water b. no electricity c. no hot and sour soup 7. The most popular outdoor sport among Jews is: a. jogging b. tennis c. howling over the neighbors lawn ornaments 8. Jews never drive a. unsafely b. on Saturdays c. eighteen wheelers 9. A Jewish skydiver is a. careful b. insured c. an apparition 10. No Jewish person in history has ever been known to: a. become a prostitute b. deface a synagogue c. remove the back of a TV set 11. Jews never sing a. off-key b. "Nel Blu di Pinto di Blu" c. around a piano bar 12. Jews are ambivalent about a. vegetarianism b. Jesse Jackson c. Absolutely nothing Scoring: Take 1 point for each "a" answer, 2 for each "b", 3 for each "c". 32-36: Mazel Tov! You know a lot about Jews. Either you've studied your loved one's family carefully, out of desire for true closeness plus your respect for their traditions, or you're from either Florida or New York. They'll adore you.

To: Tomato who wrote (12972)	1/8/2000 7:41:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Pussy Anyone/or Frog Man A man sat at a barstool and plopped a frog down on the bar. The bartender says, "What in the world are you doin with that frog?" "Why I'm going to sell it for a hundred dollars", replied the man. "What's so special about that frog?" "This frog eats pussy," exclaimed the man. A few minutes later in walks this beautiful woman. She asked, "What are you doing with that frog?" "Why its for sale mam, this frogs eats pussy. And I'll let you have it for $100." "I'll take it", shouted the lady as she threw down $100. "Ok mam, here's the frog and my phone number in case you have any problems." The lady took the frog home, laid down spread eagle naked in bed and prodded the frog. Nothing happened. She poked the frog and nothing. It didn't move. She called the man who sold her the frog. "This frog won't do anything,I want my money back" The man said, "Hold it, I'll be right there, give me your address." The man heads straight for the lady's home. He walks in and sure enough the frog is not doing anything. It just sits there. Then the man says to the frog, "Allright, I'm going to show you this just one more time."

To: Tomato who wrote (12972)	1/12/2000 10:39:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62549

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "Why is a camel tied to the barracks?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do ... uh ... we have the camel. "The Captain said, "Well, I suppose if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me. " After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn't control his sexual angst any longer. He barked to his Sergeant: "BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT! "The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and lead the camel into the Captain's quarters. Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride. "So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?," he asked. The Sergeant replied, "Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town."