Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (12980)	1/10/2000 6:09:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 62549

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc. The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed she said "Good Morning, Father." "Good morning, Father." Nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests? The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits-these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them-and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini. (The priests were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads). Again,she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning Father", "Good morning Father," and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?" "Oh, Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angela!"

To: Edwarda who wrote (12980)	1/10/2000 6:13:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?" Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me." And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know that I love you even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself." And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom, but I can not think of a name for this new animal." And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG." And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail. After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well." And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration." And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility. And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy. And Cat really didn't give a shit one way or the other.

To: Edwarda who wrote (12980)	1/10/2000 9:25:00 PM
From: Susan G	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Great Female Comebacks Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." M: "Is this seat empty?" W: "Yeah, and this one will be too if you sit down." M: "So, wanna go back to my place?" W: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" M: "Your place or mine?"W: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." M: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" W: "It's in the phone book." M: "But I don't know your name." W: "That's in the phone book too." M: "So, what do you do for a living?" W: "I'm a female impersonator." M: "What sign were you born under?" W: "No Parking." M: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" W: "STOP" M: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" W: "Unfertilized." M: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." W: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!" M: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." W: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?" M: "I know how to please a woman." W: "Then please leave me alone." M: "I want to give myself to you." W: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts." M: "I can tell that you want me." W: "Oooohh. You are sooo right. I want you to leave." M: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy." W: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing." M: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?" W: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species." M: "Your body is like a temple." W: "Sorry, there are no services today." M: "I'd go through anything for you." W: "Good! Let's start with your bank account." M: "I would go to the end of the world for you." W: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

To: Edwarda who wrote (12980)	1/12/2000 1:06:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62549

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme 3 flat tires and a couple of headlights." Bewildered he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!" The cook says, "He wants 3 pancakes & 2 eggs sunny-side up." The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker. He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!" The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!"