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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (12992)	1/11/2000 8:15:00 PM
From: High Grader	Respond to of 62549

"The wisdom of the competent computer user, passed on from one expert to the next, says that when you discover you are using an obsolete computer, the best strategy is to upgrade to a new faster machine with a bigger hard drive, more ram and greater bandwidth. A favorite strategy is to donate the obsolete equipment to the nearest school, thereby deducting its full original cost from taxes. In the educational system, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, other strategies have to be tried with obsolete equipment, including the following: 1. 1. Plugging the old computer in to a 220 volt outlet. 2. Changing computer teacher. 3. Hitting the old computer to make it work. 4. Appointing a committee to study the old computer. 5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they use old computers. 6. Lowering the standards so that the old computers can be included. 7. Appointing an intervention team to upgrade the old computers. 8. Creating a training session to increase the potential user?s competence. 9. Reclassifying the old computer as affordable because nobody else wants it. 10. Change the form so that it reads: "This computer is affordable." 11. Hire outside contractors to install the old computers when your own experts tell you they are obsolete. 12. Harness several old computers together in an attempt to get one good computer. 14. Providing additional funding for ram and hard drives to increase the old computer?s performance. 15. Use small simple programs to fool anybody who isn?t computer literate. 16. Purchase an after-market product to make the obsolete computer run faster. 17. Declare that a free obsolete computer has lower overhead and therefore performs better. 18. Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for obsolete computers. 19. Reduce the expected performance requirements for everything so that the obsolete computers can be used 20. Use the obsolete computer as a file server so that all other new equipment cannot operate faster. 21. Restrict bandwidth to a trickle, so that the obsolete computers won?t look slow. 22. Reduce all fast computers to slower performance to make the obsolete computers look good. 23. Appoint a committee of persons who know very little about computers to make all the decisions. 24. Talk in technical terms to all non computer-literate persons to impress them. 25. Always blame some unknown person high up in the bureaucracy for the performance of the old computers.

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (12992)	1/12/2000 1:15:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

At school one day the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and asked, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?" Little Robert raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher nodded and called on little Susie Marie. Little Susie said "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Ferrari." The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Why Johnny?" He responded, "Because my mom had her boobs stuffed with it, and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"