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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13009)	1/13/2000 3:28:00 AM
From: Robert	Respond to of 62549

I need to move to Guam! LOL -- Robert

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13009)	1/18/2000 12:10:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

Here's another: Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh. (Umm, O.K., I'm sure the lamb appreciates that one.)

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13009)	1/18/2000 12:20:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

A bit of a repeat found in my e-mail: > > > > >Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force > pilots > >and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" [denoted below as > >(P)] > >are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to > >fix > >before next flight. > > > > > > > >(P)=PROBLEM > >(S)=SOLUTION > > > > > >(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement > > > >(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire > > > > > >(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough, > > > >(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft > > > > > >(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid, > > > >(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage > > > > > >(P) Something loose in cockpit > > > >(S) Something tightened in cockpit > > > > > >(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear > > > >(S) Evidence removed > > > > > >(P) DME volume unbelievably loud > > > >(S) Volume set to more believable level > > > > > >P) Dead bugs on windshield > > > >(S) Live bugs on order > > > > > >(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent > > > >(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground > > > > > >(P) IFF inoperative > > > >(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode > > > > > >(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick > > > >(S) That's what they're there for > > > > > >(P) Number three engine missing > > > >(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search > > > > > >(P) Aircraft handles funny > > > >(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious > > > > > >(P) Target Radar hums > > > >(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words > > > >