Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13051)	1/17/2000 6:06:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

BUMPER STICKERS 2000 If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings." Practice Safe Sex. Go Screw Yourself. It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now. "Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point." If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better. Thank You For Smoking Pot. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It! Constipated people don't give a crap. If you drink, don't park--accidents cause people. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? My kid got your honor roll student pregnant. To all you virgins: Thanks for nothing. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling. If you can read this, I've lost my trailer. Horn broken...watch for finger. Honk If You Love Rear End Collisions! You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me. The Earth Is Full - Go Home. I Have The Body Of A God......Buddha. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult. If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away? The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway. Illiterate? Write For Help. Honk If Anything Falls Off. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes. Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To. I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong... Fight Crime: Shoot Back! Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one. Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel Boldly going nowhere CAT: The other white meat Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13051)	1/17/2000 7:05:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Another Oldie/Goodie: Differences between Men and Women NICKNAMES: - If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. - But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. EATING OUT: - And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in a $20 bill, even though the total is only $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. - When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. BATHROOMS: - A man has five items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. - The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. MONEY: -A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. - A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. ARGUMENTS: -A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. (Editor note to married men: Forget your mistakes. There's no sense in two people remembering the same thing.) GROCERIES: -A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. -A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. SHOES: -When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. -A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE: -A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. -A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE: -A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. -A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. NATURAL: -Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. -Women somehow deteriorate during the night. DRESSING UP: -A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. -A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals. LAUNDRY: -Women do laundry every couple of days. -A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love, American Style." OFFSPRING: -Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. -A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.