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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Biggie Smalls who wrote (13077)	1/18/2000 9:11:00 AM
From: diddlysquatz	Respond to of 62549

Can You Guess Who? Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spousal abuse; 7 have been arrested for fraud; 19 have been accused of writing bad checks; 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses; 3 have been arrested for assault; 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit; 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges; 8 have been arrested for shoplifting; 21 are current defendants in lawsuits. In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving. Can you guess which organization this is? Give up? It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.

To: Biggie Smalls who wrote (13077)	1/18/2000 6:36:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

In my e-mail and I couldn't resist: Just came over the wire.......... > NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS FOOTBALL SCHEDULE FOR 2000 > September 10 Marlborough High School > 17 Cub Scout Pack #101 > 24 New England Blind Academy > October 01 Spanish American War Vets > 08 Crippled Children> '> s Home > 15 Boston Culinary Arts Academy > 22 Worcester AIDS and VD Clinic #1 > 29 Hartford Junior High School > November 05 Girl Scout Troop #69 > 12 Acton Seniors Bridge Club > 19 ICM School of Business Choir > 26 Korean War Veteran Amputees > December 03 Associated Master Plumbers > 11 New England City Prison Gays (SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME) > 17 Clarissa School of Fashion Design > 24 Barbizon School of Modeling > RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR: > 1. When playing the Girl Scouts, Patriots must not eat their cookies. > 2. When playing the Blind Academy, Patriots must not hide football under their jerseys. > 3. When playing the Korean War Veteran Amputees, Patriots must not file protest about players with one leg being harder to tackle. > > RULES NOT CHANGED FROM LAST YEAR: > 1. Touchdown is still worth 6 points. (For all you Patriot fans who have never seen one, this is when the ball is carried over the goal line). > 2. The Patriots will be allowed 27 men on the field at all times. > 3. The Patriots will be allowed to substitute with High School Glee Club Members at any time during the course of the game. > 4. The Patriots will be allowed 20 time-outs per half as opposed to 3 for all other teams. > 5. The Patriots will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more. > COACHING CHANGE: > The new Head Coach will now be Monica Lewinsky. She will no doubt blow a few at first but she will not choke up on the big ones. > NAME CHANGE: > The NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS name will be changed to the: New England Tampons, as they are only good for one period and do not have a second string.