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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13093)	1/19/2000 11:56:00 PM
From: Paul Hammon	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Not really a joke....unless you're my age...=:^) * Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that years incoming freshmen. Here is this year's list: The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1982. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression. There has been only one Pope. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War. They have never feared a nuclear war. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Tianamen Square means nothing to them. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums. The expression "You sound like a broken record." means nothing to them. They have never owned a record player. They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Ping-Pong. They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 33 cents. They have always had an answering machine. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black-and-white TV. They have always had cable. There has always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA is. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony. Roller-skating has always meant inline for them. Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. They have never seen Larry Bird play. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII and the Civil War. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. They never heard: Where's the beef?, Id walked a mile for a Camel, or de plane, de plane. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is. The Titanic was found? They thought we always knew where it was. Michael Jackson has always been white. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not groups. McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers. There has always been MTV. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies.

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13093)	1/20/2000 8:11:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, separating the tail boom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, sliding down the runway, spinning rapidly in a brilliant shower of sparks. As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was overheard: Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Cobra: "I don't know, tower. We ain't done crashin' yet!" _________________________________________________________________ The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger that. Give me four thousand dollars worth!" _________________________________________________________________ PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said, "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first". The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United 586 had a chance to object to the impersonation! _________________________________________________________________ After landing with his approach speed just a little too high, a DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout. The tower said, "American 751, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport." _________________________________________________________________ A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying and about flying when he's with a woman. _________________________________________________________________ It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City: KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles." Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him." KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?" Delta 105: (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl): "Well ... I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though." _________________________________________________________________ Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7." Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure ... by the way, as we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7 ... did you copy the report from Eastern?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff ... and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers." _________________________________________________________________ O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329, traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this: I've got that Fokker in sight."