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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Calvin Scott who wrote (13108)	1/20/2000 8:46:00 PM
From: Pat W.	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

The Washington Post recently had a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries: Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Carcinoma (n.) a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp. Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavored mouthwash. Bustard (n.) a very rude Metrobus driver. Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam. Semantics (n.) pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a Proctologist immediately before he examines you. Marionettes (n.) residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor (Marion Barry). Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. Circumvent (n.) the opening in the front of boxer shorts. Frisbatarianism (n.) Belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.