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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tomato who wrote (13200)	1/25/2000 10:13:00 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62562

Quotes: Talking about going to war over religion: "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." (Richard Jeni) "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.' " (John Wing) "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my handbag.' " (Francois Morency) "I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know." (Franck Dubosc) "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." (Jimmy Shubert) "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there." (Richard Jeni) "Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'" (Rich Jeni) "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." (Richard Jeni) "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?' " (Emo Philips) "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." (Ren Hicks) "Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!' " (Jeff Green) "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." (Emo Philips) "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." (Kevin James) "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." (Emo Philips) "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." (Richard Jeni)