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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Katt-000 who wrote (2175)	1/26/2000 9:47:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

.....and another list.....:^) BENEFITS OF BEING A WOMAN We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get off speeding fines. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point). New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. We have the ability to dress ourselves. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra. Send this to five bright women you know and make their day.

To: Katt-000 who wrote (2175)	1/27/2000 9:43:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Plan for the Future.... A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will, what will ? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."

To: Katt-000 who wrote (2175)	1/28/2000 10:32:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Subject: Hallmark Rejects "Friends Are Kisses Blown To Us By Angels" Hallmark ----- Hallmark rejects REJECTED HALLMARK CARDS 1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay. 2. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat...Sorry! 3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends. 4. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff! 5. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I got real snippy. 6. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. 7. Your computer is dead... it was once so alive. Don't you regret installing Windows 95? 8 You totaled your car... and can't remember why.. could it have been... the case of Bud Dry? 9. Saw something today that reminded me of you. As a matter of fact it was the shit on my shoe! 10. So you're taking Viagra so you can please me. What you need is an implant Since your inch size is three!

To: Katt-000 who wrote (2175)	1/28/2000 10:34:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

"It's All A Matter of Perspective" Differences Between You And Your Boss: If you take a long time, you're slow. BUT if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough. If you don't do it, you're lazy. BUT if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. If you make a mistake, you're an idiot. BUT if your boss makes a mistake, he's 'only human'. If you're on a day off sick, you're 'always' sick. BUT if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill. If you take a stand, you're being bull-headed. BUT if your boss does it, he's being firm. If you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude. BUT if your boss skips a few rules, he's being original. If you please your boss, you're arse-creeping. BUT if your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative. If you do something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. BUT if your boss does the same thing, that's initiative. If you're out of the office, you're wandering around. BUT if your boss is out of the office, he's on business. If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. BUT if your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.