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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13227)	1/29/2000 2:08:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62559

WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered, what if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing this: Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following options: Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS Press 2 for THANKSGIVING Press 3 for COMPLAINTS Press 4 for HEALING Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS Press 6 for RAIN Press 7 for "MIRACLES." Press 8 for LOTTERY WINNING NUMBERS (good luck, we just guess, too) Press 9 for ALL OTHER INQUIRIES OR JUST TO SAY HI. Press 0 to hear this menu again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What if God used the familiar excuse, "I'm sorry, all the angels are helping other sinners right now. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order in which it was received." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Can you imagine getting these kind of responses as you call God in prayer: * If you would like to speak to Gabriel, Press 11. For Michael, Press 22. For a directory of other Archangels, Press 33. * If you'd like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, please Press 55. Then wait for the beep and enter the number of the Psalm. * To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 62. Enter his or her social security number, then press the pound (#) key; then his date of birth, then press the pound (#) key twice. * For reservations in one of the many Mansions, press the letters J-O-H-N, then 3-1-6. * For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, where Noah's Ark is, Darwin, Hitler, the Pope, abortion, and UFOs, please wait until you arrive here, they can only be understood from a "heavenly perspective." * To reach Lucifer, Press 666, and your call will be automatically transferred. PLEASE be careful, your receiver may become VERY warm. * Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up and try tomorrow. * This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday, after 9:30am, but before 4:30 ACST (Absolute Celestial Standard Time). * For emergencies refer to your Bible.*