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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Gordon A. Langston who wrote (13230)	1/28/2000 9:00:00 AM
From: Thomas M.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Who is Hillary Clifton? Tom

To: Gordon A. Langston who wrote (13230)	1/28/2000 9:05:00 AM
From: Thomas Payne	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

The Top 20 Bad Suspense Novel Metaphors or Similes > > > [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] > [ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ] > > > > 20> Worn down at the edges like a Times Square hooker, the > caretaker's last tooth lay on the floor like a yellow Chiclet. > > 19> When she stepped out of her dress, she had the body of a > 90-year-old nun, if the nun looked as young, attractive, > and sexy as the dame standing in front of me. > > 18> The situation had become topsy-turvy -- like Christmas in the > summer, if you're in Australia. > > 17> The information imbedded on the stolen computer chip was like > an explosive so explosive it could explode, creating a massive > explosion. > > 16> As I watched through the slatted shades, her bosom bounce like > her suspicious husband's first check. > > 15> The killer was a misplaced comma in the jaunty, happy sentence > that made up the party crowd. > > 14> His face looked like an ice sculpture. Not one of those > pretty ones in the middle of a cruise ship buffet, but the > kind they do in a contest with a chainsaw -- and it had been > out in the heat too long. > > 13> Like any family, this house had its secrets, secrets it grimly > refused to reveal, and would continue to refuse to reveal even > if it could speak, which unlike a family, or at least most > members of most families, it couldn't. > > 12> The air of danger perversely made Nina's nipples harden, > like that Magic Shell stuff on a bowl of ice cream. > > 11> From his vantage point in the balcony, the would-be assassin > looked down on the debating candidates like a webhead looking > down on an AOL user. > > 10> The sudden darkness made the Countess tense, like Bobby Jerome > that time with the bicycle in 7th grade, remember? > > 9> There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene > that Special Agent Frievald couldn't quite place, and the > thought stuck with him throughout the rest of the day, > like those tiny little bits of the circumferent skin from > the bologna slices on a foot-long Subway Cold Cut Trio that > get stuck in between the last two molars on the upper left, > on the tongue side where you can't possibly reach them with > a toothpick, your fingernails, or even a systematically > straightened paper clip, they just sit there and make every- > thing you eat at your next meal taste vaguely like vinegar > and mayonnaise, and then somehow -- quietly but miraculously > -- they disappear by themselves in the middle of the night > while you're asleep, just like the visiting Countess appeared > to have done. > > 8> Her parting words lingered heavily inside me like last night's > Taco Bell. > > 7> The bullet burned Gilmore's gut like the first piss after a > long night in a Singapore brothel. > > 6> A single drop of sweat slowly inched down Chad's brow -- > a tiny, glistening Times Square New Year's Eve Ball of > desperation. > > 5> His .38 barked fire, like John Goodman's butt after a chili > cookoff. > > 4> Her blazing eyes dance like Astaire and Rogers, but since they > were crossed, it was an ocular tango, and my eyes had to > foxtrot just to maintain eye contact. > > 3> She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled, and > the gun she was holding gave me a bad case of barrel envy. > > 2> The neon sign reflected off his gun, like the moonlight > reflects off my brother-in-law's bald head after a night > of beer drinking and cow-tipping. > > > and Topfive.com's Number 1 Bad Suspense Novel Metaphor or Simile... > > > 1> Unable to contain his rage, he burst like a pimple of emotion, > the pus of his fury streaking the mirror of calm in the > bathroom of his life.