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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (13248)	1/31/2000 9:46:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62562

Foreign Exchange ---------------- A beautiful young lady, having just returned from a magnificent week long vacation in a South American republic, walked into the local bank & asked about exchanging currency. The teller said he would try to help her. The lass plopped a huge wad of bills onto the counter & the teller then counted it, made a phone call, and returned to count out $27.18 US. The wide-eyed woman gasped. "You mean to tell me that's all I get for that mountain of bills?" "I'm afraid so Miss." replied the teller, "That's the current rate of exchange according to our foreign exchange section." "God Damn," she hissed, "and I fixed that cheap Son of a Bitch a nice breakfast too."

To: Edwarda who wrote (13248)	1/31/2000 9:48:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62562

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...?) On some Swann frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's just a suggestion.) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." (OOPS ---- Too Late!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows the day...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save even more time?) On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what other uses?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious - what other use???.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.) On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere???)