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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ish who wrote (73295)	1/30/2000 10:50:00 AM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 108807

THere was a terrible story on TV the other night- I cried watching it--( on one of those shows like 20-20? I don't remember)-of a "nurse" abusing an elderly man in a home, I don't know if it was his or a nursing home as I wandered into the story in the middle. It was awful-- she beat him and shook him and put a pillow over his face. Somehow it was taped, and she was arrested. She only got 6 months in jail and 2 years probation and her license revoked. Her defense was that she was under stress. It is easy and tempting to generalize from awful experiences like this or what Alexander has gone through and turn the entire system into an evil entity. But there are also caring healthcare professionals, good nursing home administrators who try to fight the monetary pressures placed on them by the owners, excellent church related nursing homes, and doctors who are willing to work with families on death and dying. And as someone pointed out, we are often very unaware and ignorant about what is required of the medical community by law. (such as forced feeding) While my heart aches for anyone who wound up in a situation such as Alexander's, I think to judge entire systems and groups of people is as wrong as not admitting there certainly are problems --- as there are with ANY system. And that there are bad, lazy, even evil people in every walk of life. The "You haven't seen what I've seen" approach is not valid. All of us have seen different things and none of us sees everything--- it's the point of discussion and sharing. (And oh yes! listening! You and I, Ish, are not that much younger than Alexander, though I get the feeling she sees us all as very young and untried). As for nursing homes-- I have had several loved ones in them, I have been a Social Service worker in charge of nursing home placements and so visited many (that also means I worked for the governement!), I had a friend who was an administrator, and I've done plenty of volunteer work in them. As for the terrible Home Health situation mentioned-- again, (as a worker with the elderly), I have worked on community boards designed to facilitate and coordinate available services, and the fierce independence and determination of people to stay in their homes no matter what, is impressive and moving and we did all we could to respect that, but there is no way to provide total care in a home situation. Meals-on-Wheels provides enough that most can eat half and heat up the other half later. Many elderly people don't eat much. Home health can go in and help them bathe, do light cleaning. But beyond that, they are pretty much alone-- and that is usually their choice. The worst part of aging is the loss of control- over your body, your mind, your life. One of the greatest problems I see is that for the very rich, all services can be bought, for the truly poor, they are free, and it's the middleclass that suffers, those with a few hard-earned assets, a home of their own, a little savings, some land. On the other hand-- why exactly would we expect to get services without cost? What were we saving for? Our children? Is this really fair? Let the taxpayer pay for me- so I can leave my kids my money? We may not see ourselves as rich, but to others, I bet most of us look pretty well-off. We spend an awful lot of time comparing ourselves to the next guy-- is he getting more than I am? WHy can't I get that too? What did they do to deserve this? We resent the hell out of people with more. ANd people who have less but seem to want more without working as hard as damn it, we have! Why is everyone out to screw me! We believe bad things shouldn't happen to nice people (like us). But they do. ANd all we can do is try to rectify the system that allows the bad stuff. SOmetimes we can; sometimes we can't; sometimes it's too late.