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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Wooly who wrote (13291)	2/2/2000 2:18:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him fora couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, “Give it a shot father”. After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says “Whoa, what a big sonofabitch!” Priest: “Uh, please sir, can you mind your language?” Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY) “I'm sorry father, but that's what this fish is called - a sonofabitch!” Priest:”Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know.” After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop. Priest: “Eminence, look at this big sonofabitch!” Bishop: “Please Father, mind your language, this is a house of God.” Priest: “No, you don't understand - that's what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!” Bishop: “Hmmm. You know. I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner.” So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to Mother Superior at the convent. Bishop: “Mother Superior could you cook this sonofabitch for dinner tonight?” Mother Superior: “My lord, what language!” Bishop:”No, Sister, that's what the fish is called - a sonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we'd like you to cook it. Well, the Pope stops by for dinner with the three of them, and they all think the fish is great. He asks where they got it. Priest: “I caught the sonofabitch!” Bishop: “And I cleaned the sonofabitch!” Mother Superior: And I cooked the sonofabitch!” The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, and says, “You know, you fuckers are allright”.

To: Wooly who wrote (13291)	2/2/2000 4:53:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 62567

Chick Drinks Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants. Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink. Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below) Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated. Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years...Alzheimer's and term limits be damned. Drink: White Zin Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue. Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... Drink: Shots Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk...and naked. Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait. Then there is the male addendum .... The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut. Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid. Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid. Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid. Whiskey: He doesn't give two shits about anything but getting laid. Tequila: Piss off, all you wankers, I'm gonna go shag something. White Zin: He's gay.