To: Fred McCutcheon who wrote (13341 ) 2/6/2000 2:20:00 PM From: Edwarda Respond to
News Abuse:I Do Not Like Green Legs And Hands : - Nigerian police arrested a witchdoctor and his son after the son was seen returning home with a human head, two legs, and two hands in a plastic bag. He claimed his father sent him out to buy them. (Mar 4 '97) Pentagon Reports More Penetrations Than Madonna : - The GAO confirmed that, in 1995, out of a quarter million hacker attempts to access Department of Defense computers, 65% were probably successful. (Jun 1/2 '96) Aforesaid Ted Forfeited Coveted Co-Ed Head Abed Spread Winifred : - A Connecticut man whose golf shot ricocheted off a yardage marker 10 feet away and came back to hit him in the nose has sued the Minnichaug Golf Course for $15,000. His wife is also a plaintiff, claiming mental and emotional anguish due to resulting 'curtailment of unspecified family leisure time activities.'<b/> (May 12 '97) If You Billed It, They Will Come : - Shutting down what they called the country's biggest commercial child pornography operation, Postal officials arrested 45 in 36 states, including people ordering photos and videos. But how they did it has raised entrapment questions: They took over the company, Overseas Male, and used its mailing list to solicit more porn orders. (May 10 '96) 'Vill He Lick Your Galoshes Tonite? 10 New Cleaning Tipskis!' : - Russia's leading woman's magazine is still 'Woman' Peasant' (really), but its 500,000 circulation is down considerably from 24 million of the old days. Next comes 'Cosmo' (400,000), 'Elle' (200,000), and the ever-handy 'Woman Worker.' (Nov 19 '96) It Turns Me On When You Crash The Market : - Fed chairman Alan Greenspan,71, wed NBC News foreign affairs correspondent Andrea Mitchell, 50, at a quaint Virginia countryside inn. (Apr 7 '97) This Salad Dressing Is Delicious : - Belgium's Sabena Airlines reported fluids draining from an improperly sealed three-month-old corpse being shipped in the luggage compartment soiled 50 suitcases on a Nice to Brussels flight (Jun 18 '97) It Doesn't Mention That Slut His Wife : - A revelation from the Westinghouse buyout of radio giant Infinity Broadcasting is that Howard Stern's contract forbids him from insulting one person - the CEO of his company. (Jun 22/23 '96) 'Multiple Soft Bumps Can Indicate You're Running Over People' : - A new AAA safe-driving video for seniors contains tips such as 'If left turns are difficult for you, make three right turns around the block,' 'Make an effort to look up at the road ahead,' and 'Plan trips before leaving.' (800) 305-SAFE. (Jan 11/12 '97) Ask About Our Rubber Ax Wakeup : - The restored and supposedly haunted Fall River MA house where the 1892 Lizzie Borden ax murders took place opened as a historical bed and breakfast. You can sleep in all the death rooms. (Aug 5 '96) Ignored 'Flaming Trucks Keep Right' Sign : - England-France Chunnel service will remain limited for another month as a result of last week's fire, caused when a train carrying a blazing truck entered at 80 MPH - too fast for guards to stop it. (Nov 22 '96) NOBODY Eats The Roses : - After Venezuelan newspaper complaints about her weight gain, Kellogg discontinued Special K cereal boxes featuring Miss Universe Alicia Machado, whom pageant organizers nicknamed 'the eating machine.' She admits to putting on 'about 11 pounds'. (Jan 29 '97) I Let You Stewardesses Land The Plane JUST ONCE And Look What Happens : - A Continental Boeing 737 from Houston to Corpus Christi landed at the wrong airport, an old WWII airfield four miles from the real one. Passengers waited onboard 2 1/2 hours for stairs to be trucked over. The crew is now 'off duty.' (May 13 '97) We're Offering A $300 Flight Coupon To Any Passenger Who's Ever Landed A 727 And Can Come To The Cabin Right Now : - An American Trans Air plane with 111 aboard landed safely after a crew member (since fired) flicked a switch that depressurized the cabin, causing many - including the pilot - to fumble their oxygen masks and pass out. (Jun 22/23 '96) The Landmark Case of Dolores Clitoris : - For the first time, the Board Of Immigration Appeals for the INS has ruled in favor of a woman seeking U.S. asylum to avoid having her, well, genitals mutilated in a cultural rite back home. (Jun 14 '96) The Male Was A Bit Dry : - World Wide Fund For Nature officials, ecstatic about the discovery by Vietnam villagers of a pair of Edwards pheasants, may have rushed it a bit saying 'humankind now has a second chance to save this exquisite bird' (thought to be extinct since the 1920's.) The female died of injuries during capture. (Sep 16 '96) Yah Yah I Grantcha It's Comfortable An' Roomy - Rocko PLEASE Step On It - But I'se Dinkin' Why Nobody ELSE Uses One : - Three NYC robbers took $300,000 from a downtown jewelry store and fled in a white stretch limo. (Oct 23 '96)
