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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (13388)	2/9/2000 1:04:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As it made its appearance it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, “Ma'am, have you ever slept with a black man?” She said, “Well, yes, but only once.” “Once is all it takes” he replied. Then the torso appeared and it was yellow. “Ma'am, have you ever slept with an oriental man?” the doctor asked. “Well, yes” she said, “but only once.” “Once is all it takes,” he said. When the legs appeared they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Indian and she said, “only once” and he replied that that was all it took. Then the doctor held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry. “Oh, thank God,” she exclaimed “at least it doesn't bark!”

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (13388)	2/10/2000 7:47:00 AM
From: Wooly	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62551

As you know, Barbie is now 40. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic..... 1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half frames too)! Neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. 2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's belly button and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues. Also a pink alarm clock that wakes her every hour at night so she can rip off her pajamas and blankets. 3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror and small pink bottle of Facial Nair. 4. Flabby arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front too; muumuus with tummy-support panels are included. Plus some pink hand weights. 5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry slippers. 6. No-more wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crows feet and lip lines with a tube of skin Sparkle Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics. Plus a prescription for Renova. 7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr., with a pink minivan and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch. 8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Fred (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new pink Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking up is hard to do". 9. Divorced Barbie Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat. 10. Single Mom Barbie There's not much time for primping anymore.....Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House, and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr., in a fourth floor walkup. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage- sale kit included. 11. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of the Big Book and a pink vibrator. 12. Post-menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus, this year, the book "Getting In Touch With Your Inner Self" is included.