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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (13391)	2/9/2000 4:43:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62552

Notable Quotables 1) Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.-Robin Williams 2) Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.-Billy Crystal 3) I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."-Larry Miller 4) You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've of thought of that!'-Dave Barry 5) According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.-Jay Leno 7) My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.-Tim Allen 8) We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."-Elayne Boosler 9) There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? --Jay Leno 10) The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they're going from semi-automatics to uzis.-Conan O'Brien 12) You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.-Joan Rivers 13) Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor...I told him he was grounded.-Tim Allen 14) Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code; he turned himself in.-Rita Rudner 17) I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.-Zsa Zsa Gabor 18) When I was in Boy Scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.-Steven Wright 19) After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."-Gary Shandling 20) Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.-Lewis Grizzard 21) The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.-Jeff Foxworthy