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To: Phil(bullrider) who wrote (13431)	2/13/2000 7:13:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

>ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS RECORDED AND VERIFIED BY THE WORLD FAMOUS >> INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS. >> >> 1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll >> leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're >> finished. >> >> 2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why >> we're not here. So, leave a message. >> >> Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent >> the >> money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my >> financial >> aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my >> friends, >> you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of >> money. >> >> 4. Hi. Now you say something. >> >> 5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you >> can >> talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. >> >> 6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you? >> >> 7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a >> "sexy" message, I'll call sooner! >> >> 8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken This is his refrigerator. >> Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with >> one >> of these magnets. >> >> 9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving >> messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their >> carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do >> not >> need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and >> number and they will get back to you. >> 10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic >> thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your >> number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your >> call. >> >> 11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. >> Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. >> >> 12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. >> Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back. >> >> 13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our >> weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably >> aren't home and it's safe to leave a message. >> >> 14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain >> silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. >> 15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone >> right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes >> doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. >> So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get >> back to you. >>

To: Phil(bullrider) who wrote (13431)	2/13/2000 7:57:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

THE CODE A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter." One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy had said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, and then returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."