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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Carragher who wrote (13435)	2/13/2000 6:44:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62567

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "So, Becky, I've been wondering... Have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't really want to ask that question..." "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right, three times..." "Three? Hhmmm, well, when were they?" "Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 and you really wanted to start your business on your own and no bank would give you a loan.....? Then, remember when one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked... Well..." "Oh, Becky, you did that for me!? I love you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me.... So when was number two?" "Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon wanted to touch you... Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here to do the surgery himself and then you were in good shape again...Well...." "Oh my god!! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife... To do such a thing, you must really love me, darling... I couldn't be more moved..." "So, all right then, when was number three?" "Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the temple....and you were 47 votes short....

To: John Carragher who wrote (13435)	2/13/2000 6:51:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62567

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: ~On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) ~On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) ~On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?) ~On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!) ~On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Ha! Too late! You lose!) ~On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) ~On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?) ~On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) ~On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) ~On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children. (Or pets!) ~On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space or underground?) ~On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (OK, now I'm curious.) ~On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (No comment.) ~On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (I knew I should have flown United.) ~On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (Definitely no comment) ~On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!) ~Princess Kelsey~ Don't ever give up on your lost causes..cuz you never know when your luck might change..~DC I'm so glad you came back tonight, I have to grow up tommorrow