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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (13489)	2/19/2000 5:36:00 PM
From: Goalie	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

EMOTICONS... We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) and :-( respectively. Well, how about some "ass-cons"? Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_._) a flat ass (_^_) a bubble ass (__) a sore ass (_!__) a lop-sided ass {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that's been around (_O_) an ass that's been around even more (_x_) kiss my ass (_X_) leave my ass alone (_zzz_) a tired ass (_o^o_) a wise ass (_13_) an unlucky ass (_$_) Money coming out of his ass (_?_) Dumb Ass ..ooo"""*ooooo .oo""ooo.. . oo" "o.oo" "o. . o" 'o" "o .o o o .o o 'o o oo. o o oo. o o oo o o \o/ o o --0-- o o. /o\ o o o o "o o o o'" o oo oo o oo oo. oo oo 'ooo. .oo. ooo "o ""oo,, ,,oO-'Oo, ,,,,,,..oo"o o. """""" oo """"" .o 'o oo o' *o oo o 'o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o You have been e-mooned!

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (13489)	2/19/2000 10:07:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Oldie / Goodie Alligator Shoes Sam and Golda are in their 80's and Sam always wanted an expensive pair of alligator shoes. Seeing them on sale one day, he purchases them and comes home, asking Golda, "So, do you notice anything different about me?" "What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants. What's different?" Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, just wearing the new shoes. Again, "So, Golda, do you notice anything different?" "What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow." Angrily Sam yells, "Do you know why it's hanging down? "Cause it's looking at my new shoes!!!!!" Golda replies, "So you shoulda bought a hat."

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (13489)	2/20/2000 5:08:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62549

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an > > ambulance. > > 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of > > a skating rink. > > 3. .Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way > > to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy > people > > can buy cigarettes at the front. > > 4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large > > fries, and a diet coke. > > 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain > > the pens to the counters. > > 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in > > the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. > > 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls > > and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we > didn't > > want to talk to in the first place. > > 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns > > in packages of eight. > > 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the > > 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking > > creatures'. > > 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with > > Braille lettering. > > 11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a > > cardboard box and a draft dodger lives in the White House.